


After the First Day of the Rest of Their Lives

by Zab43



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angels with a Demon Kink, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, Dom/sub, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Inappropriate Working Relationship, Jealousy, M/M, Maggot Husbands, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Semi-Public Sex, Sexually Inexperienced Angels, Slut training, Threesome - F/M/M, split personality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:40:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zab43/pseuds/Zab43
Summary: A story of what happens in the weeks following the failed apocalypse....This was kind of meant to be comedy but has ended up with more than a fair slice of angst.  There is a lot of sex and, if you squint, a plot. As you’ll see from the relationship tags almost everybody ends up with somebody at some point. Despite this the main focus is on reuniting my favourite demon couple because, really, Ligur can’t be gone forever can he? That would just be too unfair.I have borrowed from the convention in many other fics that, if Ligur was resurrected by Adam, then he is most likely to have gone back to his original form…. i.e. become an angel.It starts off sad, but soon cheers up…
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Dagon (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley/Hastur (Good Omens), Gabriel/Ligur (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur/Michael (Good Omens), Ligur/Michael (Good Omens)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	1. Hastur In Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Re-reading this it is a bit of a depressing start....but please don't be put off, it really does cheer up later on....

It was raining again. It always seemed to be raining these days. Hastur didn't care. He sat outside ignoring the rain as it soaked through his coat, his jacket, his shirt. He'd realised that, after a certain point, he simply couldn't absorb any more water. After that the rain didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. The world hadn't ended. The apocalypse hadn't happened. Hell hadn't won. Ligur hadn't fallen. That last one really hurt. After Adam had reset the world he'd done his best to put things back as they were, but had made a few changes. One of the changes was Ligur. Although the demon, former demon, was no longer disintegrated he was just as absent as if he had been. More absent in fact. He was an angel and he was staying an angel this time. Hastur had lost his companion, not through a murder that cried for vengeance, but for a much more painful reason. Ligur wanted to stay an angel.

He seemed to think they could 'stay friends' too. That made it worse. Hastur could probably have handled it if Ligur had denounced him. He was used to being despised and hated. He could simply have turned his feelings for Ligur into anger and hate. He would have been betrayed and deserted. Anger would have been a fitting emotion. You couldn't be angry with someone who wanted to 'stay friends'. When Ligur had explained so patiently that he'd been given a second chance and, as much as he wished Hastur could be with him and have that chance too, there was nothing he could do, but, hey, let's 'stay friends'. The caring, smiling look marred his face and spoiled the memories of his Ligur, demon Ligur, evil Ligur, gone forever. It really hurt. 

He couldn't deal with it. So he sat in an empty building plot, in the middle of London, in the rain, alone and wet, trying hard not to care. He reminded himself of his own fall. Of the reasons he'd questioned the order of things, why he hadn't been content to serve in Heaven. If he had a 'second chance' would he take it? No he bloody wouldn't. Smug, sanctimonious pricks. Catch him harmonizing about how great She was for all eternity. Bugger that for a lark. He wasn't leaving Hell for that. He belonged in Hell. As he sat in the rain, shivering in the cold, watching the puddles fill and the mud form, he knew the truth of it. He was in Hell in every possible way and he wasn't getting out any time soon.

He was dimly aware that he was no longer alone, someone had stopped near to where he was sitting. He didn't care. They'd get bored and go away soon enough. That was the thing, the bottom line was people didn't care either. He'd been sat in this ditch for days. He wasn't sure how many days, but it was a lot. Point was that in all the time he'd been sat there not one single person had tried to talk to him, check if he was alright, offer help. That proved it didn't it? People didn’t care. No-one cared. They all belonged in Hell. He shuffled slightly, squelching in the mud. The someone hadn't left yet. He really wanted them to just bugger off, having them here spoiled his 'no-one cares' theory and at the moment it was the only thing he was holding on to.

"Bugger off" he grunted without looking up. The someone didn't bugger off. They said in a conversational tone "it's raining y'know? You'll get wet". The comment was so dumb that, even given the state he was in, Hastur felt the need to turn and berate the someone for their stupidity. He turned. He saw who the someone was and turned back to stare at the mud. "Bugger off" he said again. "Nah, I think I like it here. Might stay, y'know, really enjoy myself, I mean: just look at that mud!" The someone was irrepressibly cheerful and, true to their word, was palpably not buggering off. Hastur turned again staring balefully at the persistent someone and saying "look Crowley you know I don't like you and, as you've tried to kill or discorporate me on numerous occasions now, I'm pretty sure you don't like me either. So do us both a favour and either kill me now or just bugger off".

Crowley was uncomfortable. He knew that from Hastur's point of view everything he'd just said was true. Crowley had acted as if he didn't like the Duke for so long now it almost felt like he really didn't. In more recent times he had attempted to kill him with holy water and, in actual fact, had successfully discorporated him. There had, however, been extenuating circumstances for that. Extenuating circumstances for all of it actually. He hadn't started off disliking Hastur, quite the opposite actually. He also knew that he had given Hastur every reason not to like him too. He'd been a little shit to Hastur for millennia: made fun of him in front of the other demons, not answered his questions, completed paperwork badly and been constantly late for meetings. Then he had used holy water to destroy Hastur's only friend and partner of several thousand years standing. He understood why Hastur didn't like him and why he'd assume Crowley didn't like him either, but it wasn't entirely true. The truth was much more complicated and, like all complicated emotions, it was easier to ignore it than to try and understand. It had taken a failed apocalypse to make him and Aziraphale acknowledge their relationship was a bit more than just friendship. That revelation had triggered him to think about Hastur too. He had started to feel what he thought was 'guilt' about his treatment of the Duke over the years. Now, he wasn't absolutely sure about it, but he thought, just thought mark you, that maybe he owed Hastur something. He felt uncomfortably like he ought to do something to help him. He hoped spending time with the angel hadn't caused all those soft emotions to rub off. Whatever, Hastur really looked like he needed help and that uncomfortable itching feeling was telling him he should be the one to provide it.

Crowley had first spotted him on the newly cleared building plot opposite his flat a couple of weeks ago. His first thought was that Hell had reneged on its promise to leave him alone. As he'd watched warily he'd realised that Hastur's presence had nothing to do with him. The fact it had rained for 15 days straight, but only in the area a few hundred metres around the ditch Hastur was sitting in, made him think the weather was being demoniacally influenced. Why would any demon alter the weather so they were sat in a perpetual rainstorm? He had continued to watch. Nothing happened. Hastur sat in the mud, in the ditch, doing nothing for days on end. No-one came near, whether that was due to demonic influence or just a natural human unwillingness to approach a dishevelled soaking figure, smelling alarmingly of compost, he wasn't sure. Either way Hastur had sat alone, wet, cold and ignored for days on end, seemingly uncaring of his plight. Crowley was quite frankly worried about him. The fact Hastur hadn't even tried to discorporate him when he'd spoken to him made him even more concerned.

"Y'know I'm sorry about Ligur, being..." he made a noise something like blowing a raspberry "just, well, y'know how it is, no time to chat, world to save, Armageddon to stop, things just got a bit, ngk….out of hand..." He ground to a halt realising belatedly that this probably wasn't the way to cheer Hastur up. The demon however just shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Ligur got put back where he wanted to be. Wish he had been...y'know" Hastur copied Crowley's raspberry noise at this point, continuing "be better if he was gone. I'd feel better anyway. Bastard is a..a.." he gesticulated wildly at this point. If you squinted it looked a little like he was miming a halo. "Bloody angel" he finally spat out. Crowley was stunned. "A what?!?" He cried before he could stop himself. "Yeah. Bastard went and joined the opposition" Hastur said glumly. "That's terrible" Crowley said, thinking more about how terrible it would be for heaven to have Ligur than anything else. The other demon seemed to take a masochistic pleasure in adding "he wants to 'stay friends' too" the words 'stay friends' pronounced in an attempted angelic voice of sweetness and light, that somehow sounded very sinister coming from Hastur. Crowley was in shock and said "do you want a drink?" on impulse. He carried on "flat is just over there...or actually, maybe somewhere else would be better" realising that maybe inviting Hastur to the scene of his partner's, albeit temporary, demise might not be very tactful. Hastur didn't seem to care though. He looked at Crowley with those disconcertingly expressionless eyes and said "yeah, alright". As he stood cascades of water flowed off him and a small colony of newts were rendered homeless. 

Crowley had no clear idea of where he was going. The state of his erstwhile colleague ruled out any public bar or restaurant and he'd already decided his flat was out. His feet took him unthinkingly to Soho and a certain bookshop where he knew there would be wine. It was only as he got nearer, followed by the mud-caked, soaking mess that was currently Hastur, that he started to have some misgivings. It was too late now though. He saw the closed sign on the door, not that it meant anything, Aziraphale may just not want customers. He knocked. "We're closed" came the familiar voice. "Angel, it's me. Gotta...a.. a friend with me who really needs a drink". He grinned manically at Hastur who'd cocked his head to one side. "Friend Crowley?" He growled "you taking the piss?" Uh-oh, Hastur was always quick to take offence. "Ngk. No, just, well, couldn't say 'demon' now could I? Not in front of...of" he gestured at the empty street helplessly. Hastur followed his gaze before his eyes turned back to Crowley. "In front of?" He prompted. Thankfully at this point the door was opened.

The introductions were a little awkward. Especially as Hastur was inclined to think offering him a drink to help deal with Ligur's new abhorrent angelic form by taking him to the house of another angel was a little insensitive to say the least. They put the fire out quite quickly considering. Surprisingly they also persuaded the Duke to come in. Aziraphale apologised for being an angel but assured him that he was not in heaven's good books at the moment. In fact he wasn't sure how much of an angel he really was anymore. Hastur had grunted, grabbed the proffered bottle and started drinking steadily. After a moment's hesitation, just long enough to get some glasses actually, the others had joined him.

….several hours later: 

"Bastard's hanging around Gabriel now, thinks the sun shines outta his wassit, wassit called?" Slurred Hastur. "Backside I think" Aziraphale said warily. "Arse!" Shouted Crowley and both demons laughed at the angel's disapproving face. Crowley's arm found it's way round Hastur's shoulders in a purely friendly gesture, but when they finished laughing it wasn't removed. "You're still soaked, let's take this off" Crowley insisted, tugging at the other demon's coat. Hastur, with a great show of reluctance, allowed his sopping wet coat and jacket to be removed. He was a little perturbed when he felt the buttons of his shirt being undone too and tried to squirm away. It wasn't going to be enough as Crowley signalled for reinforcements and Aziraphale joined the fray. Hastur soon stood in his vest and underpants looking more than a bit sorry for himself. "S'not fair. Get a demon drunk an' steal his trousers, s'not right”. He had somehow managed to keep hold of his wine through the process and downed the remainder of the bottle looking sulky.

"My dear you'll catch your death standing around in wet clothes, here" Aziraphale had gone straight into mother-hen mode and miracled up a fluffy dressing gown, holding it out to the demon. Hastur looked at it suspiciously, until Crowley changed the colour to black, then he snatched the gown. He glared belligerently from one to the other before removing the rest of his clothing. The angel turned immediately, blushing slightly, but Crowley looked on, unable to tear his gaze away from a certain part of his former boss's anatomy. Hastur noticed the direction of his gaze and gave a lopsided grin before donning the gown "nice innit?" He asked raising his eyebrows and wiggling them suggestively. Crowley was irritated at being caught. "Nothing special, I got one too y'know" he huffed. Hastur's grin widened as he said "yeah, I can tell" letting his eyes wander down towards Crowley's tight jeans. It was his turn to blush.

Hastur grabbed himself another bottle of wine then threw himself onto a nearby sofa, resting his feet up on the arm. He took a healthy swig of the wine, still smiling at Crowley. Was he imagining it or did Hastur hold the bottle neck in his lips just a moment too long after drinking? "Not bad this" Hastur said, maintaining eye contact. Crowley was definitely feeling a little flustered, was he being flirted with? Hastur held the bottle out to him and asked "like to try?" Then pulled the bottle back, winked looking down at his own body in a meaningful way and adding "I think you'd like it, it's veeerry nice". Yup, he was definitely flirting. Crowley was in a state of shock. After all that had happened the very last thing he'd expected was Hastur flirting with him. He stood looking down at the other demon for maybe a moment too long. Long enough to notice when he shifted slightly in his seat, letting the gown fall open showing off one of his very long legs. Crowley swallowed, suddenly feeling like the room was just a bit too warm for his liking.

The angel's happy chatter dispelled the mood "I'm so glad you like it, I got it the last time I was in France, from Vosne-Romanée I think, it's ever so good isn't it?" Both demons were now looking at the angel blankly, as if they had no idea what he was talking about. "The wine. You said it was nice" prompted Aziraphale. "Mmmm, you got a lot of nice things here angel" purred Hastur. Crowley didn't want to check but he was certain that if he turned he'd see the other demon looking straight at him. He swallowed again. Hastur must be very drunk, he never normally behaved like this, or maybe he did but Crowley hadn’t seen it, maybe he behaved like this with Ligur. Crowley wasn’t given time to follow this line of thought as Aziraphale beamed at them saying "why thank you, it's so nice to meet a fellow connoisseur. You like books then Duke Hastur?" Crowley couldn't help but glance at Hastur this time. The demon looked flustered, his face a little flushed from the wine. It suited him. He looked less evil, more, well, more attractive. His eyes darted around the shop. "Yes, books, lots of books" he stopped as he gazed reached a particular shelf. "You've got H P Lovecraft, first editions" he sounded interested. Yet another shock. If you'd asked Crowley before today he'd have sworn Hastur had never read a book in his entire existence. By now he'd got up and was perusing the shelves "Whisperer In The Darkness’, that's the one. I'm in that one" he smiled happily "don't see Ligur in any blessed books do you? Eh? Mind you, he'd only get in 'blessed' books now, hanging round with bloody angels". Hastur started laughing before bursting into unexpected tears. He slid to the floor in the middle of the shop, curling into a ball and sobbing pitifully.

Crowley was at a loss as to what to do. Luckily his angel was a natural at looking after people and this seemed to extend to demons too. Aziraphale rushed over, crouching down to talk softly to Hastur who seemed to respond well. In a short time the tears and sobs had stopped. Taking him gently by the hand the angel helped him to his feet and guided him back to the sofa. The Duke of Hell responded surprisingly well to this treatment, only resisting when he realised he'd left the wine bottle behind.

Having returned the wine to its rightful owner Aziraphale carefully backed away from the demon, resuming his own seat. "Well honestly I'm not surprised your demon, ex-demon, is friends with Gabriel. Gabriel is, well he is, he really is a, a, a bad angel" Aziraphale looked shocked at his words. Hastur cackled alarmingly "you're just trying to cheer me up now. No such thing as a bad angel, they're all bloody goody goodies. Not a single bastard among them". Crowley was shaking his head, it seemed to be making the room move alarmingly so he stopped, "he's a bit of a bastard" he announced, pointing at Aziraphale. Hastur looked at him disbelievingly so Crowley nodded seriously. Stopping quickly as he realised this action also caused the room to shake. "Yup, only a bit though, he's still n'angel". Hastur looked at Aziraphale again squinting a bit, then closing one eye entirely. "Which one a you is the bastard?" He asked curiously.

It was Aziraphale's turn to laugh alarmingly saying in a patronising voice "I think we may have had a bit too much to drink, hmmm?" Hastur kept one eye shut saying "speak for yourselves, we're ok" waving a hand vaguely at Crowley. His eyes glazed slightly and he appeared to fall asleep, or maybe pass out, one or the other. "Oh" said Aziraphale looking put out "we can't leave him here, he'll have to go in the spare room". Crowley looked surprised "what spare room?" Aziraphale looked guilty "well, there's a spare room now and I think he needs to be there". Crowley sighed "let me sober up and I'll deal with it". In the end it took two of them to get Hastur to his feet, but Crowley offered to do the rest, steering the semi-conscious demon up the stairs. Finding there was indeed a suspiciously new looking spare room at the back he helped the Duke to the bed. Hastur, with an unexpected burst of energy, tried to head back downstairs muttering about more wine. They scuffled briefly and somehow Crowley ended up in the bed with Hastur, trapped between him and the wall. Hastur lunged forwards, knocking his head violently into the wall behind him, thus cornered Crowley had nowhere to move to when Hastur pressed his mouth to him. His natural reaction was to respond to the kiss in kind. Their tongues touched and Hastur moaned grabbing tightly onto him. Crowley reached up to pull him away by the hair. Unfortunately he'd forgotten about the wig, which simply came off. Crowley gave up and continued the kiss. As it progressed he was alarmed to feel his shirt being unbuttoned, but, when he felt a hand attempting to undo his trousers, he tried to even things up by removing Hastur’s robe.

Aziraphale sat downstairs for a few minutes wondering what was taking his demon so long. He crept up the stairs and looked in at the door of the newly created spare room. The two demons were tangled up on the bed, Hastur's robe on the floor and Crowley half out of his shirt and trousers. They were kissing fairly passionately and making some serious moaning noises. Crowley seemed to sense his presence and his eyes flew open. He looked shocked, then guilty, then panicked. He started struggling to get free. Not easy as Hastur had a tight hold of him. Aziraphale wanted to reassure him, but wasn't sure how. "It's ok dear" he said. Hastur reacted to the voice behind him. He virtually threw Crowley at the angel and sat up, blinking at the two of them from the bed. Aziraphale couldn't help but notice his rather large erection and blushed a dark red, trying to apologise and back out of the room. Crowley had got hold of one of his hands by now so he couldn't make an escape, it was an awkward moment.

"It's not what it looks like angel. It was an accident, I didn't mean to" Crowley stuttered desperately. Behind him Hastur laughed, ending up in a choking sob. When he regained control he grunted out "thought there was something going on with you two" following up with "I always preferred you female anyway". Crowley turned, yet again surprised by Hastur, who sat looking defensive, his erection deflating. Aziraphale chipped in "I never realised you'd been female Crowley, you didn't tell me" he sounded wistful and maybe a little disappointed. Trapped between the two of them Crowley didn't know what to say. "Well y'know how it is..." then he stopped, "hey I was Warlock's nanny remember?" Aziraphale looked a little put out "but not, well, not when we were together, you were always, well, always the same Crowley and definitely male, I mean, those trousers, couldn't miss it really". The angel was flustered now. Crowley grinned, "I always thought you were looking" and Aziraphale blushed delightfully.

"So sorry to spoil your cosy reminiscences-es-es, but some of us are trying to sleep here" grumbled Hastur with a drunken attempt at sarcasm. He'd got himself under the covers and made himself comfortable. The other two looked apologetic, if a little confused, and left him to sleep off the booze. Back downstairs the demon started trying to apologise again. Aziraphale cut across him in a would-be casual voice "you know I don't mind. Dear boy I'm, ahem, 'an angel of the world' as they say". Crowley couldn't help but laugh at this palpably untrue statement. "No-one's ever said 'angel of the world', it's not even possible is it? And weren't you, y'know, wasn't I, um 'the first'?" Aziraphale looked uncomfortable "not to say first exactly. First demon certainly, but, well I was a member of that club you know. It was always very discreet of course, but maybe not quite, well quite 'quite' at times if you catch my meaning. Some of it was a bit shocking at first, but well, one does get curious, it's only natural" Aziraphale ground to a halt looking embarrassed. Crowley was delighted "you're a bit of a dark horse aren't you?" He said grinning broadly. "My point is if you and, and him, want to, you know, then that's perfectly acceptable, I’m not going to be jealous or anything tedious like that. It would be quite nice really. I mean, he seems charming, really so much nicer than the first time we met. Can't judge a book by its cover after all, and he did admire my books".

Crowley reflected that it really was a night for surprises. First Hastur now Aziraphale. It figured he was flattered by the book thing though. Bit of luck that. Hastur probably only knew one book in the whole world, and only then because he was in it, and his angel happened to have a copy. He realised he'd been silent for a little too long. Aziraphale was looking at him expectantly. He felt compelled to say something. "I’d better tell you something” he started slowly. This wasn’t going to be easy. He hadn’t thought about it for a long while and, well, it wasn’t something he was proud of. Not that he was ashamed of it either, not really, it was just that he’d never talked about it. It was at the root of why he and Hastur had had such a difficult working relationship though. He took a deep breath: “Hastur is, well was, my boss y'know? But way back, we're talking way way waaay back, before he was my boss, we had, you know, we were, kind of 'an item'. Only for a bit. Then Ligur came along and, well, that was that really and I got to know you and I wasn't going to chase after a demon when I could, um, ah, um" he ground to a halt. "Chase after me you mean" the angel finished for him. "Yeah" confirmed Crowley with an embarrassed smile. The angel looked happy. "I'm glad you did. Chase after me that is. I hope you think it was worth it". Taking his hand Crowley lifted it to his lips kissing his finger tips "absolutely worth it angel" he said as he kissed each of his fingers in turn followed by his palm and finally lapped his tongue gently along the inside of his wrist. "I think it's about time for bed isn't it?" The angel said coyly.


	2. Ligur In Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s take a look at Ligur up in Heaven - what is angel-Ligur like? How is he finding it up there in amongst the angels? Is he having fun?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are beginning to pick up in this one - it’s a bit of a shorter chapter this time. In fact my chapter lengths are somewhat erratic all the way through - I can’t seem to get the hang of them. Not used to writing anything beyond a few thousand words really…

Ligur sat watching Gabriel with a look of pure rapture on his face. Gabriel felt he was losing the room, but when he glanced at his newest angel he was cheered by the look of unalloyed admiration and continued his presentation on the correct use of the harp in sacred music. He was enjoying the attention of the new angel, he was just what Heaven needed, his fresh faced enthusiasm cheered him as he moved on to how to get hosannas just right. It was wonderful to see how the new angel hung on his every word.

As his new boss enthused on the finer points of being a successful ‘team player’ in the celestial choir Ligur thought what a prat he was. For, contrary to outward appearance, Ligur hated being an angel. He hated the singing, he hated the harmonies, he hated the white clothes and the fresh, sweet smelling air. He hated the other angels, he hated praising the almighty and, most of all, he hated Gabriel. No, scratch that, what he hated most of all was having to deceive Hastur. His Hastur. His ugly, evil, corrupt and impure Hastur. The lowest of the low. The most loathsome, disgusting, debased demon he'd ever met. No depth of depravity was too deep, his very presence spread rot and corruption. Oh how he missed him.

It was all for the greater bad. He was Hell's inside man, well 'entity'. He had a job to do, angels to corrupt, spying to be spied, plans to be spoiled. He was there to spread discontent, sow seeds of doubt. If possible make them fall, if not then at least make them weak. Anything to tip the odds to ensure that next time Hell would win. He had help too. Well help of a sort. Michael was his 'in', the one who vouched for his unlikely conversion. Michael didn't know the full plan of course. Michael just thought he was here to take Gabriel down. She wanted him literally taken down, as far down as it was possible to go in fact.

He couldn't say he was surprised when Michael had made the offer, proposed the Arrangement. Quid pro quo. Michael would help Hell, in return Hell would make Gabriel suffer so she could take over. There was also the tacit understanding that *if*, and in Michael's mind it was a nearly non-existent *if*, but *if* Hell happened to win....well Hell would not forget the favour. Quid pro quo. He hadn't mentioned the corollary to Hell's well known long memory. Hell does not forget but Hell does not forgive either. Michael had smited Satan in the first war. Any subsequent favours were irrelevant compared to that. Michael would get special treatment in Hell, just not the sort of 'special' she had in mind. He comforted himself with that thought. What he didn't want to think about was Hastur.

However he couldn't help but do so. It was like a jagged tooth, he couldn't stop poking at it. His Hastur, betrayed. The look of horror and disgust, the hurt and pain he had inflicted on him. He couldn't forget. The way he'd twisted the knife, smiling angelically, being so nice about it. Suggesting they could 'stay friends'. He shuddered at the memory. What he'd done was unforgivable. He only hoped that when this was all over, he could talk Hastur round. Win him back. His one hope was that the complete and total betrayal, the utter callousness and cruelty of his treatment would, paradoxically, do the trick. It was, when all said and done, such a terrible, awful, loathsome and *evil* thing to have done that maybe, just maybe, Hastur would appreciate it. Surely his willingness to utterly destroy his only friend and partner counted for something. It was the worst thing he could think of, the most despicably evil thing any demon could do. Perhaps Hastur would respect that.

He forced his concentration back to Gabriel. He was now talking about exercise. Something he called 'jogging'. Ligur hated jogging. He was used to hate. Hell was brimful of it. So much that it spilled out into the world at large and tainted everything it touched. Demons were good at hate, but he'd never felt it this strongly before. Perhaps he had though. There had to be a reason he had fallen the first time. He didn't remember what it was, but maybe it was jogging. That or all the singing, then again it was possible it had been all the white. He still didn't seem able to keep a white suit white for very long. Actually, it was probably the lack of alcohol that had done it. He really hated the perpetual sobriety, that and the Sound of Music. He hated so many things he was surprised the angels couldn’t sense it.

Ligur sighed, managing to turn it into a 'whoop' of enthusiastic approval at the last minute. It disconcerted Gabriel. Even he might be getting a bit suspicious of Ligur's enthusiastic reaction to his every banal suggestion. Then again, reflected Ligur, he was probably too dumb to even think about it. He had come round to Michael's view quite quickly. Gabriel really wasn't a suitable angel to lead Heaven in the next war. Michael, on the other hand, well, she was devious. A good strategist, ruthless and clever. Unfortunately that made her Ligur's prime target. If he could take her out of the equation maybe he could get back to Hell. The thought of never having to jog again was almost too much for him. He felt tears of longing prickling his eyes.

The meeting was coming to an end. Time to play the dutiful angel again. He stood, leading the others in yet another sycophantic hymn of praise. He hated hymns. He had a meeting with Michael now. At least this meeting would be sneaky and clandestine. A meeting to plot behind the other angels' backs, plan evil, terrible things. Almost like being a demon again. It wasn't really. Michael, for all her intent to damage Gabriel, didn’t seem to have any clear ideas of how to do it. She wasn’t a demon and being evil didn’t come naturally to her. It wasn’t like he’d applied much thought to it either, although he had to pretend it was Gabriel he was after actually she was his target... At least he had a plan now, half a plan anyway.

Back when he'd been a demon, when he'd been his true self, he'd noticed the way Michael had looked at him. It was a look that spoke of longing. Longing made all the more powerful by the fact it was forbidden, a taboo. Well now he was an angel maybe he could get her to act on it. If he could tease out the lust that might be enough. Well, not on its own, but that and plotting behind the other angels' backs to make one of their own fall. This was why he was biding his time. At the moment Michael was popular, more popular than Gabriel anyway, he didn’t think the others would believe she was a plotter. He needed to drag her down a notch or two before he made a move. Ensure the other angels didn't want to defend her and weren’t prepared to see her take Gabriel’s place.

Ligur sighed again, this whole thing was unexpectedly difficult. He had a sneaking suspicion that being an angel was changing him. It was making it harder to plot, even making him ask himself why he was plotting in the first place. The other day he’d actually thought to himself how nice it was in Heaven, without the leaks and the grime and the overcrowding - forgetting about Her and the angels. He shuddered at this. He had a job to do and needed to concentrate.

The rendezvous was in the stairwell. Not a very suitable place for a seduction, he'd have to find somewhere better than this. He was hoping Michael would suggest something, but so far she'd been maddeningly professional. He sincerely hoped she still wanted him, it hadn't just been the demon thing that had attracted her. He supposed it was possible, an angel with a demon kink. There was Aziraphale he thought. After unexpectedly coming round from his ultimate destruction, he’d taken the time to look around Crowley’s flat and seen a thing or two. He thought humans called them pimientos, things to remind you of stuff. Confusingly it also seemed to mean a red fruit thing, he supposed humans had run out of new words and had had to start reusing them so stuff could mean more than one thing. It was confusing though.

Well anyway, Crowley had had stuff that reminded him of an angel - the angel stationed in London in fact, the one he’d been meant to be fighting against all these years. Now Ligur knew a few things about fighting, principally that if you fight someone often enough and for long enough you really start to enjoy it. Maybe enjoy it so much you forget the fighting bit and just start enjoying the company. Aziraphale was an angel and, although Crowley wasn’t much of a demon, he was pretty sure they’d been shagging. From the inscriptions in some of the books he thought the angel wanted to shag him anyway and what sort of demon would turn down an offer like that?

He tried to remind himself why he was thinking about this, ah yes, maybe he should try to be more demonic around Michael. It was difficult though. Since he'd been resurrected as an angel he'd noticed his emotions were a bit off too. He found himself wondering about the other angel's feelings, worrying about upsetting them. He had a strange thing where, when he thought about Hastur, his eyes started watering. He couldn't stop imagining how he was feeling, worrying about what he was doing. He was probably sat alone somewhere, miserable and unhappy. It made him sad and caused a weird ache somewhere inside. He hoped he wasn't sick. He couldn't afford to get ill. He needed to disrupt Heaven as quickly as possible so he could take another nosedive into the fiery lake and be with his Hastur again.

There it was again, the painful stabbing sensation and the unexpected tears. This wasn't good. He had to pull himself together and make sure he was as demoniacally attractive as he could be. He needed to concentrate on the mission. He didn't understand why he was finding it so difficult. He used to be a natural at this - corrupting, despoiling, staining innocent souls with the blackest of sins. His new angelic nature was trying to get in the way of even this most basic of missions. Ligur hated being an angel.

Michael was late. It was annoying, but he reflected being annoyed was probably a good thing. Being annoyed was a proper demonic attitude to have. He paced impatiently back and forth to really get into the role. When Michael finally arrived, only a few minutes late but Ligur was now thoroughly immersed in his irritated demon persona, he growled at her "hmmm, 'bout time too". He noticed the slight flush his words bought to Michael's face. It was working. Now what would demon-Ligur do now? Certainly not apologise for snapping at her, which was what angel-Ligur wanted to do.

"Come on then, haven't got all day, gotta do some bloody joggin' later" he pulled a face, not having to pretend to hate jogging. Michael was flustered and her eyelids fluttered. "Um, yes, sorry, I had things to see to". Ligur just grunted and, for good measure, rolled his eyes too. Michael smoothed her skirt and patted her immaculate hair. Ha, definitely having an effect. It transpired that she had some news. Hell had been in touch. They wanted to set her up with a new contact. Ligur was alarmed. The last thing he wanted was another demon on the scene. He tried to remain unmoved. Suddenly a moment of panic hit him, what if it was Hastur? That would be just the sort of dirty trick Hell would pull. He had to know. "Who?" He barked out. She didn't know. "Well you’re bloody useless aren’t you?" He yelled at her. His annoyance was having a noticeable effect on Michael, she was virtually simpering.

Another angel was coming down the stairs behind her. Angel-Ligur had an angelic impulse to considerately move out of the way. As he shifted slightly he remembered he was meant to be being demonic and changed the movement into a lunge towards Michael. He pulled her to him and she gave a small squeak of surprise. The angel behind her came past, nodding politely at Michael to thank her for getting out of the way. Michael watched the other angel pass and made to move away from Ligur, but he kept hold of her arm. She turned, looking into Ligur's eyes which changed to a deep glowing red as she watched. She was very close to him, his hand gripping her arm hard enough to hurt. Her breathing sped up a little and her pupils dilated slightly. Then he allowed her to pull back. "Maybe we should meet somewhere more private next time" she said breathlessly. Ligur growled again, reflecting that the growls seemed to work wonders on Michael. He must remember that.

They agreed to meet in the stationery cupboard next time. It reminded Ligur of his liaisons with Hastur in Hell's damp cupboards, frantically tearing at each others' clothes, clawing and biting, trying to keep the sounds of their pain and pleasure quiet enough that they remained undiscovered. Not that it always worked, he’d had to slam the door into the faces of several unwary demons over the millennia. Hastur loved playing dangerously. Cupboards, other demon’s offices, even once in the lecture theatre just minutes before it was due to fill for one of Dagon's interminable lectures about the correct way to complete the new sin-submission forms. He’d still been pulling his clothes back on as the doors had opened. That one had been very close. Or the time in that graveyard, Hastur's screams must have been heard by the funeral goers inside the church, but they'd managed to duck into a nearby crypt before being discovered. Although Hastur’s scarf had forever disappeared, trapped under the coffin as it was lowered into the open grave. Those annoying tears had formed again. Possibly there was something wrong with his eyes, maybe his corporation needed a proper overhaul. Something was clearly wrong with it.


	3. Hastur in The Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hastur wakes up and he’s not in a ditch, will he regret his drunken attempts at flirting?
> 
> Aziraphale potters around the bookshop and Crowley tries to make a swift exit to avoid his fellow demon, not to give anything away….but he doesn’t succeed.
> 
> It also becomes (even more) more apparent why working together was not easy for Crowley and Hastur ;)
> 
> PS as you might have gathered from the title a shower scene is involved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m playing around with the relationships & characters shockingly here, but it’s all meant in good humour…. I even got Hastur to take a shower!

Hastur woke with a start. It took him a few seconds to remember why he was no longer in a ditch. When he did remember he groaned. He'd got drunk then nearly managed to shag his ex, in his ex's new boyfriend's flat, while said new boyfriend was sat downstairs. That sounded like a bad thing to do didn't it? He thought he'd better find Crowley. This time he'd make more of an effort: he liked doing bad things. Picking the bathrobe up from the floor he headed out in search of his clothes and maybe some breakfast too. He had decided he was hungry. That's what spending weeks sitting in a ditch did for you. Finding the upstairs rooms empty he headed back down to the bookshop.

The shop was unexpectedly open and, equally unexpectedly, full of humans. Hastur quickly made himself slightly more presentable. He was still a somewhat bizarre sight for the patrons of the shop. Blond hair stood up at alarming angles. His black dressing gown had somehow turned from fluffy towel like material into something flowing and silky with dark green details of swirling sigils. It looked almost like a priest’s robe; well a priest in a Satanic cult maybe, which was at least appropriate. He was still very grubby from sitting in the ditch and his eyes were dark, pupils hugely dilated to fill almost all of the available space. He also smelled faintly of rotting vegetation. Some of the punters made hasty exits as he fully emerged from the stairwell.

"Ah, you're up. So nice to see you again, would you like some tea?" The angel did look genuinely pleased to see him, which threw Hastur a little. He'd been hoping for a row with a jealous boyfriend, a bit of a fight even, certainly not being offered a cup of tea. "Um, tea?" He said uncertainty. Aziraphale bustled off to make it as Hastur looked around. He saw Crowley attempting to sneak out and turned on him. 

"Think it's funny do you? Spend half the night leading me on then flounce off with your new boyfriend leaving me in the lurch eh? Good joke was it? I don't like jokes". Hastur did his best to look really angry, enjoying Crowley's obvious discomfort. "I.. I... I don't know what you mean. You were the one flirting. Flashing your cock at me, dragging me into bed". Hastur grinned at this, giving away the fact he wasn't really annoyed. "Seem to recall you always liked a bit of cock" he leered. At this point the remaining shopper decided it was definitely time to leave. Crowley didn't know what to say and stood opening and closing his mouth hoping his brain would think of something quickly. 

"Close your mouth dear, you look like a goldfish" Aziraphale shouted at him from somewhere out the back of the shop. Crowley's mouth shut. Hastur grinned "so someone's finally got you trained eh? I remember what you were like when we were together, such a disobedient little bitch. I was always having to discipline you wasn't I?" The leering got worse. Hastur closed the distance between them and ran his hand down Crowley's chest, not stopping until he reached his cock. "I seem to remember you rather liked it didn't you?" His hand squeezed slightly and Crowley yelped, then relaxed into his hand and moaned. Just as he was starting to really enjoy the contact Hastur's grip tightened painfully and Crowley cried out in pain. "Do you still like it?" growled Hastur and Crowley couldn't stop himself from whimpering back "yes sir" as the groping got more gentle again. The other demon grinned at him, suddenly releasing his hold, much to Crowley's disappointment. Turning and pacing round the bookshop Hastur feigned interest in the shelves, looking at various volumes with apparent absorption.

Aziraphale had been watching with interest. The 'yes sir' had caught his attention. The demon had always been the more dominant of the two of them in the bedroom. It was Crowley who took the lead, even experimenting on him with a little bondage, the occasional toy. Submissive Crowley was a new concept for him. He found he quite liked it. He bought out the tea tray, announcing "I think we'll close the shop today. No sense staying open when you two have scared all the customers away anyway". He neatly deposited the tray on the nearest table and flipped the sign on the door.

Hastur had taken a book from the shelves and was reading with apparent interest. Crowley looked curiously, trying to make out the title. "Murder On The Orient Express? Really?" Hastur looked up "yeah, so? I like it. They'll all go to Hell y'know. Murder. Don't like that upstairs do they?" This last comment was directed to Aziraphale who didn't answer the question, instead saying "I do enjoy a good murder mystery, Mrs Christie had such a strong sense of right and wrong don't you think?" Hastur just grunted putting the book back and coming over to the table. His new robe swished around his legs pulling the material temporarily taut against his body, which Crowley couldn’t help but notice.

Hastur helped himself to tea, adding an alarming amount of sugar and lifting his little finger as he sipped from the bone-china cup. Crowley's mouth fell open again. Hastur looked at him over the top of his teacup. "You keep opening that pretty little mouth at me I'll start to think you want me to put something in it". His voice was low and had threatening overtones. Crowley whimpered again, but then shut his mouth. The other demon winked at him and smiled. The bastard was enjoying it. Teasing him in front of his partner. Aziraphale wasn't helping either, maintaining a mildly curious expression, looking from one to the other of them as he sipped his tea.

Crowley suddenly felt something touch his ankle under the table. The foot slid up the inside of his leg reaching his knees. He wasn't certain whose foot it was and the only way to find out would give him away. He felt his knees being gently prised apart and hastily stood up, stepping back from the table. The other two were both doing their best to look innocent. It wasn't a look that sat well on Hastur.

Crowley was willing to bet it had been his foot. He recalled the staff meetings when they had been together, Hastur's hand somehow finding it's way inside his robe, well 'her' robe at the time. Being finger fucked while trying to deliver a presentation had been an uncomfortable experience. Although, he had to admit it had been fun too. He remembered the spanking Hastur had delivered afterwards too, to 'punish' him for trying to push his hand away. He sat down abruptly as he realised his erection was going to be visible if he remained standing. There was a reason he'd chosen to be female when he'd been with Hastur. Well, that and he'd thought Hastur preferred it. That was before Ligur. After Ligur he'd wondered if he should have been male, if that would have made a difference. Then Aziraphale had taken all of his attention and he'd given up thinking about it at all. 

Hastur had now said he'd preferred him female, which was what he’d thought at the time. Come to think about it being female hadn’t been too bad, quite fun at times. Well, around Hastur anyway. When he'd called him a 'disobedient little bitch' he swore he could feel himself getting wet. He had changed to male after the break up deliberately, feeling it was a necessary step to distance himself from it. He quite liked being male. It felt more natural somehow, he was more at ease with himself. In his new, more comfortable, body he had seethed at Hastur’s and Ligur’s apparent happiness. His own, unrequited (as he’d thought), attraction to the angel just made him all the more bitter. Now he had his angel he could afford to be magnanimous to his former lover. It felt like the roles had been reversed. Somehow this made him more affectionate towards him. Now the awkwardness of working together had been taken out of the equation too, well he definitely felt the attraction again. 

Aziraphale had a good idea why his partner had suddenly leapt up from the table. He had a very good idea why he'd sat down so abruptly too and tried to hide a smirk behind his cup. Maybe he should make up an errand and leave the two alone. He could always come back 'unexpectedly' see what they were getting up to. He wondered if he could talk to Hastur first, maybe sort out the timing. The thought shocked him, would he really do that?

The angel put a hand on Crowley's knee under the table and squeezed gently. The demon yelped, attempting to turn it into a cough. They continued to drink tea in silence, Crowley squirming slightly in his seat. As Aziraphale continued kneading Crowley's thigh, moving upwards and inwards as he went, he felt another movement. That was a foot. Hastur's foot. He'd been right then. He looked curiously at Crowley, admiring his flustered expression and flushed cheeks. He guessed he didn't realise that Aziraphale knew what Hastur was up to. He made eye contact with Hastur and gave him a particularly unangelic wink. Hastur smiled at Aziraphale as Crowley groaned loudly, hastily trying to make it sound like a yawn. Crowley gulped down the rest of his tea and fled from the table muttering about getting some breakfast. Left alone the angel and the demon grinned at each other.

Aziraphale said slowly "um, I could find a reason to go out you know, leave you two together...?" There was just a hint of a question in his words. Hastur grinned widely "you trust him to be good?" Aziraphale looked shocked "oh I hope he won't be that. He is a demon".

Hastur wasn't sure where this was going, it was certainly unexpected, but he thought he liked it. He was curious about the relationship between an angel and a demon. He couldn't quite square the Crowley he knew hanging about with a goody goody angel. The redhead had been a right handful when they'd been together. Going out of his way to misbehave outrageously, even when threatened with punishment of the most severe type. Doing it deliberately in fact, seeming to relish the canings and spankings or being 'forced' to spread his legs in staff meetings so Hastur could make him cum as he pretended to listen to the other demons. He'd made him deliver an entire presentation once, using his fingertips to hold him just on the cusp of orgasm, as Crowley had attempted to explain his plans for tempting the humans to worship false idols. He had missed that after he got together with Ligur. Ligur had been made for Hastur though, it was as if they'd always belonged together. He shut down that line of thinking. Concentrate on the memories of Crowley being such a naughty little slut, that was much better. He asked curiously "Crowley always was badly behaved, how do you keep him in line?"

Aziraphale wasn't sure how to answer Hastur's question. He stuttered slightly "w..w..well, I don't exactly, that's to say, it's more like, um, more like the other way round really" he blushed deeply. The demon grinned widely "and you'd like to see him on the receiving end is that it?" The angel didn't know what to say, couldn't even look at his guest. It was exactly what he'd wanted, but now it came to actually admitting it he was suddenly shy. Hastur answered for him "yeah, I bet you do. Hear him begging for a proper hard fucking like a good little slut". Aziraphale was shocked and thrilled in equal measure. He looked up, straight into the black eyes of the demon opposite. He could feel a surge of energy coming from him, probably lust. He nodded slightly, looking back down at the table.

The demon laughed loudly, which only made him more embarrassed. The angel managed to squeak out "do you, does he, I mean can you get him to do that?" Hastur made a rumbling sound somewhere at the back of his throat "he'll do it if he knows what's good for him". Aziraphale smiled happily, then changed the subject abruptly as he remembered Crowley was in the back of the shop.

When he walked back into the shop Crowley saw his angel and his ex-boss, ex-lover, whatever, talking together, apparently quite amiably. Aziraphale did look a little flushed but otherwise the scene reassured him. Taking a deep breath he took a chair, spinning it round nonchalantly and sitting on it back to front, ensuring the chair back would act as a shield. "So, what's happening guys?" They both looked at him and something about their expressions made him nervous.

"Why's he in that ridiculous dressing gown?" He gestured at Hastur, attempting to distract attention. "Don't you like it?" The demon crooned the question. Crowley considered his answer: a 'yes' was out of the question, but if he said 'no' Hastur might be upset and he was trying to cheer the demon up. Even worse: if he said 'no' Hastur might take it off. As there was no right answer Crowley ignored him, instead asking Aziraphale "what did you do with his clothes?" The angel looked a bit worried. As Crowley waited for an answer behind him Hastur winked at Aziraphale, putting a finger to his lips in a conspiratorial way.

The angel answered uncertainly "they were quite dirty, must have been all that time in the ditch" he still looked worried. Hastur interjected "nah, nothing to do with the ditch, they'd been dirty for ages". Crowley wasn't to be deflected "yeah, but, where are they?" Aziraphale reluctantly suggested "washing machine?" Looking past Crowley to Hastur as if expecting him to know the answer. Crowley said accusingly "you don't have a washing machine. What have you done with them?" The angel seemed more confident as he said "well really, they were very dirty", then stopped. "Yes" prompted Crowley. After a moment’s hesitation the angel squeaked out "threw them away", seemingly shocked by the revelation.

To Crowley's surprise Hastur laughed "that's one way to try an' make me stay innit?" Crowley didn't think it was funny. He was seriously regretting inviting Hastur to meet his angel. They seemed to be getting on far too well for his liking and Hastur’s flirting was really flustering him. He’d forgotten over all the years of resenting him that actually he found the demon attractive, very attractive. He turned to Aziraphale asking sternly "where are they exactly?" The angel was a little more confident now and admitted "I put them with the bins outside, in a black bag". Crowley flew out of the door, no way was he having a semi-naked Hastur hanging around the bookshop. The demon was far too much of a tease. He had to find those clothes before one of those big lorries came and took them away forever.

Hastur shrugged at the angel who looked horrified: "he's not really going to go through the bins is he?" The demon answered "looks like, wanna go tell him you've got me some new stuff, or leave him to it?" He asked. Aziraphale paused, then gave a rather evil looking grin. "Best not interfere, he'll find out soon enough" he said bustling off to the back of the shop. Hastur was beginning to see why Crowley liked the angel.

Crowley reappeared, his hair sticking up at odd angles and smelling quite strongly of fermented bin-juice, but triumphantly holding a black rubbish sack. "Found them!" He announced. His face fell as he saw the new suit hung over the back of the chair he'd been sitting at. He pointed a shaking finger at it, "what's that?" Hastur grinned "new suit, dunt need the old one" Crowley was angry. "Why, Aziraphale, why exactly, did you not think to tell me he had a new suit?" 

The angel could tell he was really annoyed because he'd gone all calm and reasonable sounding while at the same time glowing a bright red colour. "Well dear, you just asked what I'd done with the old one, I didn't think for one minute you were going to dive into the bins after it". He put on his best exasperated, 'why are you being so unreasonable' voice, hoping Crowley would buy it. He didn't. Turning his pointing finger on Aziraphale he said "you, you, you bastard, you knew didn't you, you knew and you let me...well really, I didn't think you had it in you" and started laughing. Ah, good, he'd seen the funny side.

Crowley leaned over to kiss his angel who recoiled saying "oh my dear, you smell alarmingly, maybe, a shower?" He suggested mildly. Hastur cackled, until the angel turned to him "you too I'm afraid Duke Hastur, I think, I really do think, in fact I insist on it. You both need a shower right away. Go on, upstairs both of you, I won't take no for an answer". He shepherded the two demons towards the stairs. "Up you go, or do I have to smite you?"

Hastur was confused, but allowed himself to be pushed to the stairs. Crowley grabbed his arm hissing "best do what he says, it is his shop after all, and you did drink several hundred pounds worth of his wine last night". Hastur glared at the angel, who was doing a good impression of holy righteousness, pouting at them and trying to look like he might indeed smite a demon. He thought it best to err on the side of caution and followed Crowley up to the bathroom.

Crowley was amused. He assumed this was the angel's attempt at subtlety pushing them together. He didn't mind, if that's what Aziraphale wanted. Maybe he was getting a thrill from it. It was quite sweet really, and he couldn't pretend he wasn't interested. He put the shower on and turned to Hastur "you wanna go first?" He offered.

"I'm not getting in there, I'll get wet" protested the demon. "You'll get in if you know what's good for you. It's either that or take the bin bag and leave". Crowley thought for one mad moment that Hastur would take the bin bag option, but he didn't. He turned to Crowley and said "you go first, I dunno what to do".

The redhead shrugged his shoulders. He supposed it was just about possible Hastur had never had a shower before. He thought it more likely he wanted to watch him in the shower, but he didn't mind that. He'd always enjoyed showing off.

Crowley pulled himself out of his clothes throwing them into a basket that he assumed Aziraphale had miracled up to make it look like he did washing. As he turned to get in the shower he saw that Hastur was indeed watching him closely. "Well, what do you think? Looking pretty good aren't I?" He asked giving a twirl. As he turned away from Hastur he felt a sharp slap hit his backside. "Look better bent over with a few hand prints your arse" Hastur growled. Crowley felt a sharp bolt of lust. He pretended not to have heard and squeezed past, into the shower. He wasn't particularly surprised to feel Hastur climbing in with him.

There really wasn't enough room in the shower for two. As Crowley was thinking this he was startled to see the shower remodelling itself around them. There was now plenty of room. Hastur still stood very close though and, as he moved slightly, their wet skin rubbed together. It felt pretty good. As a hand felt its way round his waist and reached down to his unexpected erection. Crowley leaned back, squirming slightly. 

Hastur's hand was slightly cool on his hot skin and he shivered at the contact. He heard a chuckle behind him and closed his eyes as he felt his cock being gripped firmly and gently pulled. His eyes flew open when Hastur's teeth grazed his neck, but closed again as the gentle bite caused ripples of sensation to travel down his body. "Want me to wank you off in your new boyfriend’s shower? Hmmmm. Dirty little slut aren't you?" growled the voice in his ear just before another harder bite was landed on his shoulder. It made him weak at the knees and he moaned. Hastur's hand was now pumping his cock with a steady rhythm. Suddenly he stopped the movement saying "I expected an answer". 

Crowley was frustrated and whined with disappointment "you can't stop now" he complained. "You want it do you?" Hastur growled in his ear. He answered in a frustrated voice "well yes". He squealed as Hastur bit hard, pulling up to ask "yes what?" Crowley's breath hitched, that had hurt, but it had felt good too. "Yes Hastur?" He suggested cheekily. That earned him another bite and he shouted with the pain. He hoped the demon hadn't drawn blood.

"I'm losing patience here. You want me to carry on you gotta learn some manners" the pain from the bite, the cool hand gripping his cock and the growling, threatening voice was too much. He really wanted him to carry on. Time to give up and say what he wanted to hear: "yes sir" he gasped out. Hastur's hand started moving again, maddeningly slowly. Crowley tried to push into it, trying to force him to speed up. Hastur stopped again growling crossly "greedy little slut, you need to behave yourself" he then barked out "apologise" in a demanding tone.

The word took Crowley straight back to the days of their relationship. He had loved this: Hastur demanding, him refusing, then getting 'punished' for his misbehaviour, oh those punishments. He wanted to goad Hastur further so said "shan't" in a petulant voice, hoping for a reaction. It earned him another bite and he cried out at the pain. Oh yes, this was how it was meant to go. He whispered again "make me" knowing full well that he could make him and hoping he would.

He felt Hastur grab his hair, forcing his head back so he stared directly up into the demon's pitch black eyes. "Naughty little slut, do I have to punish you?" Crowley lost it at the sound of the familiar words "oh yes, I'm sorry sir, please punish me, I deserve it, please". Part way through his speech Hastur had started moving his hand again. As Crowley whined into him, still asking to be punished, Hastur let go of his hair and reached down to start stroking Crowley's arse. His fingers just trailing along the crack. Caught between the two sensations Crowley rocked back and forth wanting more, more of anything, more of everything. As Hastur pushed a finger carefully inside, Crowley shoved himself backwards onto his hand, forcing a deeper penetration. Hastur adjusted his grip so Crowley was forced to rock backwards onto the finger then forwards into his hand to get the maximum pleasure.

"Good slut, keep fucking yourself" growled Hastur as his finger was pushed in and out in time with the hand on Crowley's cock and he whined at the double sensation. "Tell me what you want" whispered Hastur and Crowley sped up his rocking motion as he again asked Hastur to punish him. "Want me to punish you for this? Show you what dirty little sluts get?" Hastur's voice was purring softly in his ear. Crowley couldn't take it anymore. He literally hissed, "yessss, ssssir" as Hastur curled his finger round hitting just the right spot and he felt himself cumming. Using both hands to hold himself steady against the shower wall he spurted into the water jets.

"Shit, that felt good" he panted out. Hastur gave him a moment to recover before growling "on your knees now, time for your punishment". He'd almost forgotten about that. A thrill ran through him. He turned to face Hastur and let him push him to his knees. "Knew you wanted something in that pretty mouth of yours, open wide". Crowley considered disobeying, the thought of the terrible wonderful things Hastur might do to 'punish' him, nearly made him refuse. But he was also looking forward to this. He opened his mouth and Hastur grabbed his hair again, forcing his head back so he could look into his eyes. "Mmmm, good boy" he murmured as he held Crowley's head in place and guided his cock towards his mouth. "Hold still for me" came the instruction.

Crowley did as he was told. He felt Hastur's cock in his mouth, pushing further and further in. He suppressed his gag reflex and allowed Hastur to fully enter him and start slowly fucking his mouth. Crowley's eyes fluttered shut against the sensation, his nose was being pressed against Hastur's body and the familiar scent filled his nostrils. He was surprisingly gentle considering this was meant to be a punishment. Crowley was trying hard to stay still, allow himself to be used by Hastur, let him cum at his own pace, but he really wanted him to speed up. Clearly Hastur knew this but he kept a frustratingly slow pace. Maybe inviting him to misbehave. Crowley schooled himself to stay still. Suddenly Hastur picked up speed and Crowley nearly gagged as he shoved himself hard into his throat. It had been a while since he'd done this. He was out of practice, but he managed not to gag, not to struggle, forced himself to submit to Hastur. He didn't last much longer and Crowley felt the cum hitting his throat and swallowed convulsively.

He looked up into the other demon's eyes. Keeping in character he said in a quiet voice "thank you sir, can I get up now please?" Hastur grinned, nodding "that angel must've been training you, you never used to be so well behaved". Crowley frowned, saying as he stood up: "it's not like that with him, we don't do this, well, this sort of thing". Hastur's next words took him by surprise "I missed it. Didn't you?"

Crowley hadn't thought about their relationship for millennia. He hadn't played games like this with anyone else in the interim either. It was just something he'd done with Hastur and, yes, he had missed it. He couldn't imagine doing it with the angel though. Well, he'd never tried to imagine it, until now. The idea was there now, maybe he could talk to Aziraphale. He flushed with embarrassment at the thought of it.

The question had flustered him, irritated him too. He answered sharply "you ended it with me remember?" Hastur looked like he might consider apologising, but didn't. Instead he changed the subject "probably best finish this shower thing, take it this wasn't what your angel had in mind?" Crowley heard the hurt note in Hastur's voice even if he wasn't intended to. Now he was the one considering an apology. He settled for helping Hastur wash his back instead.

When they got out of the shower they found Hastur's new suit and a fresh set of clothes for Crowley hung up inside the bathroom door. He wondered at what point his angel had come in. How much had he seen and heard. The thought of being caught begging Hastur for punishment made him squirm with embarrassment. He belatedly admitted that it also turned him on quite a lot. He suddenly had an image of his angel watching while Hastur administered a punishment, or gave him a lesson in being a good slut. He realised he was starting to get hard again. He needed to think about something else. He concentrated on getting dressed and on not looking at Hastur, not trusting his imagination to behave itself. They headed back downstairs to the bookshop.


	4. Ligur In The Cupboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might have guessed I’m going for pretty literal chapter titles here…..so this one features Ligur in a cupboard (with Michael in case you didn’t guess that part). Firstly though a conversation with his Hellish contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more familiar territory this time with Ligur and Michael together rather than the odd Crowley/Hastur pairing….although there is so much tension between the two that I think there has to be something behind it!
> 
> I have created a brand new demon character, that of Duke Agares. He is in the grimoires as being a fair (as in good looking?) old man riding a crocodile, usually with a hawk of some kind too but I missed that off. He is meant to be good at languages and controls earthquakes. He is also meant to return runaways so I though it reasonably appropriate to have him meet Hell’s one and only (unwilling) runaway. In this story he really isn’t terribly clever as is mentioned at several points….

Ligur hadn't been left totally unsupervised by Hell. Michael may think she was his contact, that he was working solely for her, but that wasn't the case. It was just a little difficult to get in touch with his handler and certainly very dangerous to meet in person. However, Michael's revelation about the prospective new liaison officer needed to be followed up.

Knowing how Hell worked there had probably been a mix up. One department not understanding what the other was doing. Bringing another demon in at this point would make his job that much more difficult, he also had a terror that they might, albeit accidentally, get his poor Hastur involved. Hurt him even more. He couldn't have that.

He'd left a message at the dead drop when out jogging. He just hoped it had been picked up. He couldn't keep telling Gabriel he was going out 'jogging' at this rate he'd soon be running blessed marathons. Gabriel had indeed mentioned a charity run in one of his terrible presentations. Ligur tried to remember what he had said. He had a sinking feeling that angel-Ligur had thought it was a wonderful idea and had probably said so too.

He was really starting to hate 'angel-Ligur'. It had started as a character he was playing, a disguise donned solely to fool the angels. Now he found angel-Ligur popping up more and more. If he wasn't careful he found he was thinking like angel-Ligur even when alone. He needed to put a stop to this. He felt like he was losing his real identity, like an actor in a long running soap his existence was being taken over by the character. He sighed, he really needed to get the job done and musing on how difficult it was wouldn’t help.

The rendezvous was in St James's park. The demons had hit upon this as a particularly clever place to meet. No-one would ever suspect a public park for a clandestine meeting they reasoned. Since working for Gabriel he'd discovered Heaven had hit on exactly the same sneaky idea and it's agents regularly used the park too. This was both a good and a bad thing. Good in that he always had a reason to go there, bad in that there was an increased risk of being seen with his demon contact. He wasn't even sure who his demon contact was.

The whole thing had originally been Dagon's idea. When he'd woken up in Crowley's flat soaking wet and naked he hadn't known what to do. He had searched the flat for clothes, but nothing fit. He couldn't even get hit foot in the jeans he'd found. He knew something about him had changed and when he'd made a bolt for the gardens after dark and tried to sink back down to Hell he'd discovered he couldn’t. He was angry and frustrated so the discovery that he could no longer summon hell-fire followed shortly after.

He had gone back indoors and sat at the ostentatious 'throne' at a bit of a loss until someone had come looking for him. Well, looking for his remains really, more specifically looking for his coat. Dagon had always liked that coat, hearing of his demise she had reasoned 'why let a good coat go to waste'? She got a shock when she turned up at the flat and found, not only was the coat unwearable - covered in goo it was best not to speculate about - but also it's erstwhile owner was no longer so erst, or was it no longer while? Shock is a bit of an understatement. She nearly burned the place down.

Ligur was confused at her reaction, until she spelled it out for him. He was an angel. It took her a bit of persuasion, but he finally got the message. He was all set to fly up to Heaven and start cursing God until he fell again when Dagon had her idea. She'd contacted Beelzebub, who agreed this was too good a chance to pass up. Ligur agreed. Well, he didn't agree, but he was given no real option. If he fell now they'd ensure he suffered eternal torments with no relief, if he didn't then he had to stay an angel. For all eternity. Or at least until the next war. If he agreed then, eventually, after he had completed his mission, they'd welcome him back to Hell. 

He had thought that was bad enough, but then Dagon told him it had to stay secret - he couldn’t tell anyone what was really happening. Well, when she said ‘anyone’ she meant Hastur, he was the only one he’d ever want to tell. He raised all sorts of objections threatening to just get himself damned and take the torments, until Dagon told him that, of course it was his choice, but Hastur would have to be tormented too. At that he gave up and agreed.

As he was thinking about this and throwing hastily miracled up crumbs at the ducks, someone came up beside him. "The weather is very clement for the time of year" the figure announced carefully. "Yes, but I hear it will turn cold soon" Ligur replied pronouncing each word with great significance. Some bastard had been watching spy movies and come up with a script. It was totally ridiculous, but Ligur had no choice. The reply came "but the snow on the Alps is late this year". Hang on, that wasn't right. Ligur hissed "and it's raining in Trafalgar Square", obviously this buffoon had fluffed his line. "What?" Said the unknown voice. They turned to look at each other. Ligur realised he was talking to a human, not a demon. He looked flustered. "Errm, you're not Polyakov?" Asked the man. Ligur shook his head. "Oh I say, I'm most awfully sorry". He lifted his hat and departed rapidly.

Maybe the Q&A code did have a use after all he mused. Just as he was thinking this an unmistakably demonic voice said "the weather is very, is very, wassat say?" Holding a sheet of damp parchment out for Ligur to read. He sighed. "Agares, it's me Ligur, I've known you for six thousand bloody years". The demon looked put out, "Dagon said I gotta do the thing, do you think it says clematis or chlamydia?" He said pointing at the smudged word. This was going to be a pointless meeting, they'd sent a moron.

Ligur helped run Agares through the lines, watching out of the corner of his eyes as Agares' crocodile ate a duck. This no longer classed as a clandestine meeting. He decided he was going to have serious difficulties getting Agares to understand any message he might want to send so kept it brief. He told him tetchily just to take a message to Dagon. "Tell her there’s been a cock up, someone in Hell is trying to set up a new liaison officer for Michael. She’s gotta stop ‘em" . Agares replied "yeah, alright. Wanna drink?" The demon offered him a hip flask. Ligur was ready to kill for a drink. Except he wasn't allowed to kill anyone, not while he was angel-Ligur, if he wanted to stay angel-Ligur that is, which he didn't, but he had no choice. By this far into his thought process he'd drunk the entire contents of the flask.

Agares watched him. There had been something he was meant to tell Ligur, but he couldn’t remember it. It probably wasn’t important, they wouldn’t have sent him if it was important. Agares was surprisingly self aware for a demon and what he was mainly aware of was his complete and utter incompetence at all but the most simple of tasks. Ligur said "ta", handing back the empty flask and sauntering off. Agares put the flask to his lips, realised it was empty and shouted after Ligur "oi! You greedy bastard". The ground started shaking as he caused a minor earthquake to ripple through the park, thus completing his total failure to conduct a ‘secret’ meeting. Ligur shrugged back at him and took off, flying back up to Heaven. The angel-Ligur part of him ensured no humans saw him and that the crocodile had a miraculous coughing fit allowing the duck to escape.

He wasn't used to the drink anymore. Actually, he wasn't sure anyone could be used to drinking whatever Agares had put in that flask. He was surprised it hadn't melted. Flying was a little difficult, he kept veering off to one side. Closing one eye made it a bit easier, but he messed up the landing, skidding along a cloud sending puffs of white candy-floss up in his wake. Damn it. He thought, quickly amending it to 'bless it'. 

The liquor had made him feel more demonic. He wondered if he could find Michael. He thought it might be a good idea to grab his chance with her, actually it was a 'bad idea' but for some reason that made him want to do it all the more. Luckily for both of them it took him some time to track her down, by which point the alcohol had mellowed out a little and he was a bit more in control. He signalled to Michael to follow him and, without checking to see if she was, he headed off to the stationery cupboard.

Heaven's stationery had a much more luxurious existence than Hell's. The 'cupboard' was the size of one of Hell's larger offices and was neatly arranged with cupboards and shelves and even a window. Impressive. He took a moment to look around, see what he could nick before Michael arrived. He noted happily that he was still feeling much more like his old demonic self. He turned as she closed the door behind her, locking it to ensure they weren't disturbed. Another improvement on Hell, where the door tended to fly open unexpectedly unless wedged shut with a chair, he’d nearly been caught out by it many a time.

Michael did not look pleased. "What's this all about, I'm due in a meeting with Gabriel in 20 minutes". This was when demon-Ligur decided to fully take over. He didn't answer the question, instead he grabbed Michael's wrist and pulled her to him. She was too startled to resist and he'd started kissing her before she had time to think. As she tried to wriggle her wrist free demon-Ligur took something out of his pocket. Working quickly he got the cable tie around her wrist and tightened it. She'd just started to react when he did the same with her other wrist bringing the two together behind her back and looping a third tie round the first two, as he tightened it her wrists were bought together, tied fast behind her. He grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him kissing her deeply.

Michael wasn't sure what had happened. She'd been dealing with Ligur in Heaven for weeks now and so far he'd been disappointing. When he'd been her contact in Hell he'd always seemed dangerous, darkly attractive, an unknown force, sexy. In Heaven he'd been annoyingly banal. There had been just a flicker of the old Ligur in the stairwell the other day, but nothing like this. She twisted her wrists, trying to free them and was alarmed to find she couldn’t. In the heat of the moment she forgot her powers and submitted to the feeling of helplessness, letting Ligur force her deeper into the kiss and moaning softly.

He was gripping her hard enough to leave bruises and his mouth tasted metallic, with a tang of strong spirits. As his arm slid down, pulling her into him, she felt a wave of lust wash over her and she melted into him. When he started roughly groping her arse she groaned with desire. She felt his hands pulling up her skirt, it was a tight skirt and she helped the process by wriggling as he pulled the fabric up. When it was bunched up around her waist he lifted and carried her backwards, sitting her down on one of the low cupboards. He hadn't broken off the kiss and she was feeling breathless and light-headed. When he pulled out of the kiss she leaned back and he moved down to kiss her neck, growling aggressively. He continued kissing down her body growling into her chest then stomach. The growl seemed to hit her low down in the stomach and she could feel the heat flowing down inside her and longed for him to carry on.

Ligur was enjoying himself. Michael had reacted delightfully to his 'capture' of her. Whimpering and moaning, helping him pull her clothing out of the way. He continued with his half plan, ripping her tights as he pulled them off and removing those Heavenly white panties. He pulled her legs roughly apart lewdly exposing her and looked up to see her reaction. Michael had her eyes closed, her head back and her mouth half open as she panted with desire. She wriggled slightly, moving her arms, as if checking he'd secured her properly and she really was 'helpless' to stop him. Her hips lifted slightly as she pushed herself towards him.

He chuckled as he sensed her unadulterated lust and dipped his head down between her legs kissing up the inside of her thigh. When he got to the top he paused briefly, allowing her to feel his hot breath on her exposed sex, then kissed down the opposite side. Michael actually whined in disappointment and he grinned happily. She was really squirming now, trying to force him to make contact. He mumbled into her leg "patience doll, I'll look after you in good time". She gasped out "now" and tried to push herself forwards.

Ligur gave in to her desperation, pushing her thighs further apart he gently licked her. Despite allowing her this contact he made sure his licks were maddeningly close to her clit but never quite fully on it. He planted gentle sucking kisses around the whole area, still avoiding the most sensitive place. Using his strong hands to stop her from moving he ensured his tongue or lips never quite hit the exact spot. Her moans of frustration and futile attempts to direct him were wonderful. Eventually he flicked his tongue across her clit and relished the loud cry of surprise and pleasure. A few more flick of his tongue and she was close to cumming. Finally putting his whole mouth on her he suckled carefully, lapping with his tongue and she screamed as her orgasm crashed through her.

Demon-Ligur grinned. She tasted of lust and he relished it. He could feel his own desire, strong and desperate. He'd spent too long singing harmonies and being nice. Now he wanted to fuck. Undoing his trousers he freed his erection and lined himself up. Michael's head was still thrown back, her eyes closed. He wasn't sure if she realised what he was doing. He grabbed her hair and pulled her head forwards so her eyes flew open. She looked at him, her eyes travelling down his body. Finally she was aware of what he wanted. 

Michael felt a mild disappointment that he hadn't simply penetrated her while she was still in the throes of her orgasm. In her befuddled state and with her wrists tied behind her she wouldn't have been able to stop him. Part of her wanted this to feel forced, perhaps to give her an excuse later, but now he was asking her permission she had to give active consent. She nodded tersely and he started sliding himself into her. It felt good. She hadn't done this before, ever before, angels weren’t meant to be carnal creatures. She took a deep breath in and closed her eyes against the intensity of it.

Ligur moved slowly and she felt stretched and full. She wasn't sure she could cope with the entire length. He seemed to sense her concern, pulling out slightly then pushing gently back in. He gauged her reactions well and it wasn't until she had got used to the feeling of him inside her that he started with a steady rhythm. Michael's skin seemed to prickle all over, ripples of pleasure pulsed down her legs and up her stomach. Ligur had established a firm hold on her waist, pushing and pulling her in time with his thrusts. She let her eyes close again and concentrated on the new sensation. He seemed to be getting faster, pulling her harder onto him, it wasn't painful but she felt out of control, maybe a little panicked. What if he hurt her?

"You ok doll?" His voice surprised her, it was almost as if she'd forgotten his presence, well his presence as an intelligent entity, she couldn't forget his presence inside her. His thrusts had slowed again and he seemed to be waiting for her to answer him. "Don't stop, just slowly, please". She heard him growl in response. Those deep growls did something to her and she felt another wave of lust hit her. He was fucking her slowly and deliberately, growling at each stroke. It felt good. "Faster, more" she panted out and squealed as he slammed hard into her. That was really good, she shouted "don't stop". He was back at full speed again now, hard fast thrusts making her cry out with pleasure. When he pulled her into him, grunting loudly, she realised he'd cum.

Ligur pulled out. He was pretty sure the angel had been a virgin. The whole virginity thing was a silly human concept, but nevertheless he liked the idea that he'd been her first. Angel-Ligur prompted him to clean her up, neatly clip through the cable ties and help her to her feet. "All ok doll?" He asked. She smiled at him and used a miracle of her own to restore her immaculate appearance. "Well, that was interesting. Is it always like that?" He was thrown by the question. Demon-Ligur jumped in with "only if you're lucky" grinning widely. Michael flushed, her eyes fluttering and a faint smile hovering on her lips. "Pride is a sin you know" she replied. "So's lust" growled demon-Ligur. Michael did a good impression of being shocked then smiled coyly.

As they stood, a little awkwardly not knowing what else to say, someone tried to open the door. They both jumped. Angel-Ligur took over, shouting out "Oh, I'm most terribly sorry, the handle seems to have stuck, I'm going to give it a shove. Stand back". He undid the lock and did a good imitation of someone forcing open a stuck door, stumbling out into the hall. It was Uriel, who looked a bit confused to find two angels seemingly stuck in the stationery cupboard. They came out looking as innocent as two angels should be and he thanked Uriel profusely for 'loosening' the door. "Might've been stuck in there for hours otherwise" he said happily. Uriel seemed to buy the excuse and they departed.

Demon-Ligur managed to override angel-Ligur's inclination to tidy up the used cable ties and discarded tights and panties. He was meant to be sowing seeds of doubt after all, it wouldn't do to hide all the evidence. He wondered what Uriel would make of it, would she realise Michael had been a ‘naughty’ angel? Maybe if they took it really seriously then both of them could fall, that would be brilliant. He wasn’t sure that one lustful encounter would be enough. It might be enough to get the other angels to stop seeing Michael as such a paragon of virtue though. He felt he was making progress a last.


	5. Aziraphale, Crowley and Hastur Have A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another literal title - following on from Chapter 3 we’re back in the bookshop and the three of them get together and have a chat about things over a few glasses of wine

Down in the bookshop Crowley and Hastur found Aziraphale serenely eating biscuits and reading a book. He greeted them happily. Crowley desperately wanted to know what he knew of the shower scene upstairs, but felt like he couldn't ask, or at least couldn't ask in front of Hastur. Instead he prowled round the bookshop watching the other two.

Hastur seemed entirely at ease. He'd taken a book from the shelves and was reading with a concentrated expression. Crowley was irritated, Hastur didn't read, he was sure he didn't. It must be a ruse. He just couldn't figure out what he was up to. He sneaked a look at the cover 'Dorothy L Sayers: Five Red Herrings' he was none the wiser, unless the 'red herring' reference was meant as a joke. Like the book was a red herring and he really was up to something. It seemed a bit too clever for Hastur though.

Hastur saw his interest. "It's good this one, they're paintin' type humans and they find one of 'em dead an' the posh bugger reckons he's bin murdered but won't say why, an’ they all hated the bastard for one reason or another, probably deserved to get murdered if you ask me". Crowley looked confused. Aziraphale looked up happily, trying to explain "golden age of detective fiction, your friend here is a bit of a connoisseur". Hastur wrinkled up his nose "conny what?" Aziraphale said "means you're an expert". Hastur looked pleased, saying happily “I like murder”. Crowley scowled. How had his ex managed to make such a good impression so quickly, it must be some sort of trick.

The angel prevailed on him "do sit down Crowley, you're making me nervous pacing about". He eventually sat, still looking sulky, and glared at the teapot. "Can't we have some wine?" He asked, Aziraphale tutted, "it's not even lunchtime yet" he said disapprovingly. The other demon looked up. "So? Wine would be good. Get your little demon to fetch us some" waving a hand towards Crowley. "Now look here, just look here, I am not his 'little demon' he doesn't boss me around and neither do you anymore. You're not my boss and I'm not your, your….” He paused, not knowing how to continue, finishing up with “you don't get to treat me like that, not anymore".

The outbreak was unexpectedly emotional and Aziraphale and Hastur both stopped reading and gave Crowley their full attention. He flushed under their gaze and would have walked out if Hastur hadn't grabbed his arm. "Sorry" he said in a quiet voice. Crowley had been about to explode but the wind was entirely taken out of his sails by that one quiet word. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before settling on saying "ok" and sitting down not knowing what else to do. Hastur had just apologised to him! He'd never expected that, hadn't even considered it possible.

Hastur broke the silence. "When I finished with you, well, it wasn't how I intended y'know? It just, I just, I just couldn't do it any longer. I wasn't trying to upset you" he spoke earnestly in a monotone, as if injecting any emotion into the words would make it too difficult. "You know that don't you?" He asked. Crowley was still cross and answered "what? If you'd been trying to upset me you'd have done a better job? I got news for you, you did a pretty shit job cuz I was just fine, I'm still fine, never better in fact. I don't need you, never did, I'm just fine without you". He was red in the face now, shouting at Hastur, and looking anything other than 'fine'.

Hastur looked at him "yes you are fine, I always knew you would be. See, you might not have realised, but even back then I knew you had something else, someone else. Well, now you got your angel forever, an' I lost mine" his voice broke slightly at this. He took a deep breath in and closed his eyes against the prickle of tears. Aziraphale tried to say something but Hastur spoke over him. "See, all those times you was on earth, all those stories, all the things you'd done without me. Well, I knew you weren't doing them on your own, there was always someone else wasn't there?"

Crowley was looking shocked "but I never, I hardly knew him, it wasn't" he stopped, taking a deep breath of his own then saying accusingly "you had Ligur". Hastur sobbed and Crowley grabbed his arm starting to apologise, but he waved him away. "Yeah, I had Ligur. He was, he was....it was like I'd found a missing part of me, y'know?" Hastur looked at Crowley as if willing him to understand. "It was like I'd finally got something back, something that She tried to take when we fell. Well, with him I got it back an' now it's gone again" with that he dissolved into a mess of tears. His head hit the table and he shook as the sobs wracked through him.

Aziraphale silently fetched the wine and poured three glasses. Hastur hadn't moved, his head still on the table, his shoulders shaking as he made pitiful sounding wails. Crowley was flabbergasted. He'd spent thousands of years being pissed off at Hastur for dumping him in such a hurtful insensitive way, running off with another demon and not even caring. Now he'd not only apologised, but also shown him that he had been insensitive too, not realising he'd been neglecting Hastur because he was attracted to Aziraphale and not realising how much Ligur meant to Hastur. He had felt a bit guilty before, now he felt awful. He grabbed the wine glass and downed the contents.

Crowley steeled himself to speak to Hastur. Although the words were shouted in a belligerent way he meant them genuinely. "I'm sorry, I didn't, I didn't understand, I'm sorry". He stood and started pacing the room again. Hastur lifted his head slightly, saw the wine glass in front of him and grabbed it. He sat up and drank then wiped his face on his sleeve. He looked at the snotty mess on his sleeve and wiped the sleeve on his trousers. His new suit now had a patina of slime. "Dunt matter. It's over now" he poured himself another glass. "Demons don't get nice things. You better make the best of it before the universe wakes up and spoils it for you too".

With this sibylline pronouncement he seemed to return more to his usual self. "Nice wine this. Got any more?" He said finishing his second and hovering the empty bottle meaningfully over his glass. Aziraphale hastened to get a second bottle. 

The rest of the day was lost in a haze of alcohol. Hastur attempted to explain the plot of his book, getting horribly confused about train times and average bicycling speeds. Crowley pretended to listen, not following one word of it. The conversation widened out and Aziraphale and Hastur found common ground, not only in 'the golden age of detective fiction', but also in a certain children's book series about a school-boy wizard and his friends. Both Heaven and Hell had claimed it as a success, the message was moral, but the content occult. Crowley had no idea what they were talking about half the time, but he had at least seen some of the films. They got through an alarming quantity of wine and Hastur insisted they order pizza. He professed to loving Italian food, which he insisted on calling 'chow'. 

The conversation shifted and they talked about all sorts of things, anecdotes from Hell's parties, stories from Crowley's temptations, or Aziraphale’s divine interventions, Gabriel being an idiot and Beelzebub getting drunk. They laughed together and, as the moon rose and the wine cellar emptied, it appeared the night was a success. Crowley suddenly had an idea. "We ought to go for a picnic". Aziraphale was confused "it's nearly midnight my dear". Hastur made a rumbling noise and suggested a midnight picnic in a graveyard, but the angel demurred. Crowley offered to drive them out of London in the morning, somewhere green. It took some persuasion and several sincere promises on Crowley's part for Hastur to agree to get in the Bentley, but eventually he did.

Hastur gave Crowley a meaningful look, which Crowley entirely failed to understand. He tried to jog his memory in a subtle way, but the alcohol made it difficult. Let's face it, Hastur was always going to fail the subtlety test. "You remember last time we had a picnic, y'must do. They did exorcism rituals in that forest for nearly a century after. You left your robe behind, had to try n'sneak you into Hell wiv no clothes on, an' we never realised ‘til after that you got cum all in your hair" Hastur cackled, Crowley suddenly remembered and laughed too.

Aziraphale looked left out and more than a little curious. Hastur slurred "see, he'd been, he'd been a very naughty girl. Had to teach him a lesson, punish him, so no robe for Crowley that day, ha!" Crowley flushed a delicate pink and Aziraphale asked him politely "really my dear?" 

Hastur suddenly realised who he was talking to and shushed himself, making a great effort to wink at Crowley and ending up with both eyes closed. Crowley was too drunk to care. "It's a thing angel, a kinda game we played. Told you we used to, y'know. Fuck" he giggled. Hastur looked serious "I never fucked you unless you earned it - dirty little slut wanted it all the time, had to, y'know, teach him some manners. No orgasms for naughty girls until they behave" he giggled and the two demons held hands across the table. Crowley was looking noticeably more feminine. Hastur held his hand up to his lips and kissed it, turning it over and making as if to kiss his palm, but licking instead, long, lingering licks, playing his tongue round Crowley's palm in an obscene way.

Aziraphale looked away in embarrassment, clearing his throat to say. "Well, I don't know anything about that, Crowley has never been a 'naughty girl' round me!" Crowley looked startled. "Do you want that angel? I never, I suppose I never thought, never asked" he was clearly confused. Aziraphale was also confused "I didn't, I don't, I like you exactly as you are my dear, dear Crowley" he looked flustered. Crowley stuttered, not really knowing what to say, he felt bad but wasn't sure why "I'd do anything for you angel, just ask, anything". Aziraphale was still embarrassed "I, well, I wouldn't know what to ask for dear. I'm, I'm not really very errm, it's not exactly my area of expertise is it?" Now they both looked embarrassed.

Hastur unexpectedly rescued the situation "you want me to put 'im through his paces, see what you like?" They both looked at him. He continued "don't pretend you ain't interested, I can smell the lust on both of you, we'll go on that picnic tomorrow an' Crowley here will take his knickers off and make sure we're both looked after - proper silver-service an' nothing dropped". He grinned at Crowley, then looked at Aziraphale, winking broadly "don't you worry, little slut is bound to misbehave, then I'll show you how to punish him".

Aziraphale was flabbergasted, he had no idea what to say. He realised Crowley was watching him anxiously. "Do you, I mean, is that something you'd want to do?" He asked Crowley, who seemed confused. "This is about you angel, what do you want?" Aziraphale flushed "well,I don’t know, I would like, you know, just to see what it's like" Hastur cackled at them. "Since when did you get so coy?" Aziraphale was all out of courage and couldn't even look up from the table. Crowley realised how difficult it was for him and suggested maybe they should leave it for now, possibly a rest now would be a good idea. Hastur took the hint and left them to it, heading up to his spare room. 

Aziraphale and Crowley sobered up at this point and tried to talk about it. Aziraphale admitted to having overhead him in the shower and being curious. "What sort of 'punishment' did you mean?" He asked. Crowley shifted uncomfortably in his seat "not up to me. Sometimes it's like, ummm, spanking. Sometimes other things. You wonder why he called me a, well, a 'slut'?" Aziraphale nodded and Crowley went on "well some of the punishment was to behave like a slut, bear in mind I was female then, so um, using, um, objects, or wanking in meetings, letting him fuck me in the stationery cupboard, other things too, one time I had to, well, seduce a human and get him to, to, um" he looked a bit embarrassed, but Aziraphale reassured him "it sounds very exciting, was he watching?" Crowley was getting hard at the memory "yesss" he hissed.

The demon was getting seriously turned on by this, it felt embarrassing, but in a good way, a sexy way. "Got spanked afterwards too for being a dirty slut" he confessed unconsciously rubbing his cock through his trousers as he said it. Aziraphale said "I don't think I'd want you to go around seducing humans, but maybe um, a spanking?" He suggested and Crowley's eyes opened wide as he imagined it. "Yessss" he hissed. They went upstairs at that point.

The following morning Crowley slept in late. He was suffering a bit of a comedown from an excess of emotion the day before. He'd shared some pretty personal stuff with his angel and he'd reacted well, but what if he'd changed his mind now? Crowley still felt his kink was a bit weird, letting Hastur do all those things to him, make him do all those things too, and enjoying it. It wasn't normal was it? There was a reason he'd never done it with anyone else. It felt wrong. It also felt very good. It was one of the reasons it had been so difficult when Hastur had taken up with Ligur. He'd had the odd fling with other demons, but nothing so intense, so personal and he hadn't felt able to discuss kinks with them.

Aziraphale had always seemed unobtainable outside of the friendship, but that friendship had sustained him through some awful times. Like when Hastur had become his boss. It was mortifying. Hell's management style was very 'hands on' Hastur was expected to keep Crowley on a tight leash, discipline him for poor performance, punish him. With their history it was almost unbearable.

Crowley had reacted badly, did his best to go over Hastur's head with innovative ideas being submitted straight to Dagon. Worked on his own initiative a lot, made sure the other demons knew he thought Hastur incompetent, out of touch, stupid even. He realised now that this had also put Hastur in an impossible situation. They'd reached a point of mutual hatred, a stand off where they tried to avoid each other as much as possible. Hastur escalated any misdemeanour, or mistakes, trying to get Crowley in trouble higher up because he couldn't deal with managing him himself. Crowley took the piss, deliberately making Hastur look silly. If only they'd talked about things earlier.

Crowley reluctantly slunk downstairs, not sure what he'd find. He wasn't looking forward to the planned picnic. He wanted to call it off, he didn't feel up to playing that particular role anymore. As it transpired he needn't have worried. When he got down to the bookshop his angel was there alone. He seemed relaxed and happy to see him. There was no indication he was disgusted with Crowley or regretted finding out about his messed up relationship with Hastur. In fact he went over to him as soon as he came in and kissed him. "I do love you Crowley" he whispered in his ear.

The demon was suspicious and pulled back, looking at his angel. "You're not put off by, y'know, what we talked about last night, by what happened with me and him?" He asked, concerned. "Of course not my dear. It's all quite exciting really. A whole new thing we can explore together. I’m, well I'm looking forward to it. That is, if you still want to. I don't think I can do it exactly the same, but we can try some things, if you want to?" Crowley was reassured "I wouldn't want it exactly the same angel, but I'd like to try some more things, if you want to".

They smiled at each other, then Aziraphale bustled off to make tea. When he came back he explained Hastur had been recalled to Hell. He suggested they still went on the picnic, but just as a picnic. The weather was beautiful and it sounded like a wonderful plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure whether I’ll end up finishing this one - I’ve still got a few chapters written and not posted - my mind is heading off in different directions though at the moment....


	6. Hastur Is Back In Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hastur is recalled to Hell to see his Lord Beelzebub. What does she want and will it improve his mood?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still playing with the relationships, which is fun. Have a kind of ending in mind now. If anyone is still reading - thank you I hope you are enjoying it! :)

Hastur hadn't been surprised to get recalled. When he thought about it it was quite odd they'd left him alone for this long. He was interested to see there had been a few changes downstairs. The damp was still there, the pipes wrapped with dirty rags to try to stem the drips. The de-motivational posters still adorned the walls, but the sense of purpose seemed to have gone.

Hell had never had a particularly enthusiastic workforce, but now the apathy was palpable. Previously corridors had bustled with demons delivering files and reports, moving paper from one end of Hell to the other via numerous checks along the way. Now demons slumped against the walls, slept at the desks and drank openly. It seemed things had ground to a halt. That would explain why he hadn't been contacted earlier.

Hastur decided he wasn't going to show weakness, wouldn't let them see how awful he felt inside. He strode through the halls, his head held high, ignoring the whispering and pointing, kicking any demon who got in his way. He made good progress and was soon at Beelzebub's office, knocking twice he confidently pushed the door open. What he saw startled him so much that he slammed the door shut again and just stood looking at the closed door open mouthed.

Beelzebub had called Dagon to her office earlier. "We need to bring Hastur in on this". Dagon was confused "on what Lord?" Beelzebub sighed, it was always annoying to her that she had to explain herself. She was a Lord of Hell, why she had to deal with all this tedious talking to other demons she didn't know. Well she did know. It was because the whole telepathic transference of information freaked the other demons out. Normally that was no bad thing, but doing it too much was damaging to productivity. They liked being talked to, sometimes they even liked the chance to talk back. It was inefficient in her view, but simply implanting instructions directly into the brains of her underlings seemed to put them off.

She rolled her eyes and swatted at a lazy fly as it tried to land on her hat. "Operation Acrodonta". Still the blank look. She tried again "Ligur, the opposition, tainting angels remember?" Dagon looked horrified. "You can't!" She cried. Beelzebub looked up shocked by this insubordination. Dagon composed herself. "I mean of course you can, you can do anything you want, but do you think it's wise?" Beelzebub still didn't quite believe what she was hearing so simply stared at the scaly demon waiting for an explanation. 

"Hastur is, well he's not stable, after the trial and Crowley with the holy water, I mean he just up and went. Haven't seen him for ages". Beelzebub was interested "would have thought he'd be happy, knowing Ligur is back doing important work for Hell, paving the way for our ultimate victory". The other demon shuffled uncomfortably. Beelzebub was intrigued. "What did you tell him about Acrodonta?" Dagon started backing away, blinking excessively under the steady gaze of, not only the small demon, but also at least a dozen of her flies. "Nuffin" she squeaked out.

Beelzebub was confused, "can't have told him nothing, what does he think Ligur is doing poncing about up there for? Why hasn't he been kicking up a fuss unless he knows about the operation?" The scaly demon's eyes were darting around the room now, looking for a way out, a distraction, anything to avoid answering the question. Eventually she bowed to the inevitable and said "might've told Ligur it was secret, that he couldn't tell Hastur, had to pretend he was staying an angel". She flew into the corner of the room, cowering.

Beelzebub was utterly flabbergasted. "You did what?!" Dagon was cowed and defensive "well, it didn't seem to matter, I thought it'd be funny". The shorter demon sighed again, cocking her head to one side to say "so you made one of our best agents, a Duke no less, pretend to be a traitor for your amusement?" The answer was squeaked out "maybe". Beelzebub continued "and Hastur, another of our best agents, another Duke, he thinks what? That his only friend has betrayed him, betrayed us. Why Dagon? What did you hope to achieve by this?"

Dagon was still on the defensive "dunno. S'pose it was cuz it was a Monday. I don't like Mondays, I just wanted to see a bit of suffering, for a laugh y'know?" she ground to a halt. Beelzebub had to admit that wanting to see someone suffer was perfectly normal for a demon, but still didn't understand why her second in command would sabotage one of their best agents by making him think he'd been betrayed 'for a laugh'. Surely Dagon could not be that irresponsible.

"So he thinks, still thinks, Ligur has switched sides. That's why I haven't seen him, haven't had any reports from him. It's all cuz you made him think he'd been abandoned? For A LAUGH!?" Beelzebub was actually getting angry. Dagon cringed. "Fed up of them two being so bloody happy together, an' bloody Crowley and that angel. Why should they get to be happy when I'm so bloody miserable, I just wanted to make them miserable too" she sniffed, not looking at Beelzebub.

The small demon sighed heavily "we're all miserable Dagon, this is Hell remember? Do I look happy?" Dagon still sniffed "no and that makes it worse. I wouldn't mind if you were happy, if you were happy it wouldn't be so bad". Beelzebub gave her a surprised look. "Why does my happiness matter to you?" Dagon virtually wailed "I want you to be happy, you're the only demon I actually like, all the others, well they don't matter. I don't like knowing you're unhappy it makes me want to hurt things" bursting into tears.

Beelzebub walked over to Dagon and took her hand. "We all want to hurt things Dagon, it's normal for a demon and I don't like being unhappy either, but that's normal too. Right now what would make me happy is having all my demons working at full capacity, not thinking they've been betrayed" Beelzebub stopped, hoping this was enough. Dagon was still crying, but squeezed her hand hard. Beelzebub added on impulse "an' I've always liked you too". She was pulled into an embrace at these words, squashed against Dagon's chest, unable to move. At this juncture Hastur opened the door. 

Dagon looked down at Beelzebub, blinking away tears that trickled down her shimmering scales catching the light as they fell. “Was that Hastur?” she asked in a small voice. The other demon wriggled free and went back to her seat. “Yezz, better get him in” she said, back to a bored sounding drone as if regretting the previous emotional tone. “You’ll need to tell him about Acrodonta, about Ligur I mean” Dagon gave a look of sheer terror “he’ll discorporate me!” Beelzebub sighed “no more than you deserve, but alright, I’ll handle it” she added as she saw Dagon’s panic.

Beelzebub had been telling the truth when she said she liked Dagon. The scaly demon was one of the few she felt she could rely on to do a good job, to follow orders and not complain. Plus her company was less irritating than most other demons and she could hold her drink well enough to be a good companion on nights out.

This latest misdemeanour was unexpected, but honestly she couldn’t blame her. After the failure of Armageddon everyone had been behaving a little oddly and at least Dagon was still working. That she’d decided to take her frustrations out by torturing Hastur and Ligur was annoying, but understandable. Tormenting other demons to make up for being unhappy yourself was fairly common in Hell and Hastur and Ligur were always annoyingly happy, annoyingly horny too. Yes, they could be very irritating so she wasn’t really pissed off Dagon had decided to hurt them. The main problem now was how to explain it to Hastur without sending him over the edge. She was surprised that he hadn’t already exploded, literally exploded that is, Hastur was known to do that given an excess of emotion.

Dagon opened the door and Hastur noticed her face was wet, that was odd. That and hugging Beelzebub, both odd things. It didn’t make sense. He reminded himself that he was not caring about things at the moment. Certainly caring about his direct line manager and her boss hugging in the office in the middle of working hours sounded like a dangerous thing to care about at any time. He settled for stomping through the door and standing, looking belligerent.

Beelzebub took one look at his sulky face and went on the attack “why the Heaven have you been pissing about up on earth instead of doing your job?” She demanded to know. Hastur was taken aback, he hadn’t exactly expected sympathy, but being berated was just unfair. He said sulkily “y’know the reason well enough an’ Heaven is about the right word for it innit?” Beelzebub scowled at him. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other before adding “well, I’m back now so what is it?” He still wasn’t showing the sort of respect the short demon expected of an underling and she wasn’t going to let him get away with it. “You blessed well start behaving like a Duke instead of sulking about like a imp missing it’s mother, I’m not going to put up with insubordination, unless you’re thinking of joining the opposition too”.

Beelzebub, despite her horror at what Dagon had put Hastur through, quite enjoyed the look of pain her words caused. She relented and said “anyway, things aren’t quite what they seem. If you start behaving yourself then maybe we can let you in on a little secret” raising one eyebrow in what was meant to be an invitation.

Hastur however wasn’t looking, having fixed his eyes on a spot on the ceiling and blinking excessively like he’d got something in his eye. The small demon was concerned - maybe it was a leaky pipe again - and looked up too. There was nothing there. Hastur sighed heavily and answered “dunt care anymore, keep your secrets, none of it matters does it?”

Beelzebub was actually concerned at this. It was very un-Hastur like not to care about others’ secrets. Normally he was a terrible gossip, relishing the chance to collect juicy bits of information he could use as leverage on the other demons. Hastur not caring about a secret was a worrying development. She squinted at him, clicking her fingers under his nose to get his attention.

Hastur pulled himself together, it was one thing to not care about anything and another to not care enough to get himself sent to the deepest pit for all eternity. He stood up straight and looked down at Beelzebub saying smartly “I’m here to serve Lord”. The other demon relaxed a little. “You’ll be pleased to hear that Ligur is working for us” she announced without preamble. Hastur did a double-take and stuttered out “b..b…but he’s a, a, a bloody angel!” Beelzebub sighed “he’s a mole” she saw Hastur’s face as he tried to digest this bit of information. Before he could say something stupid about small furry animals she added “he’s working undercover, pretending to join the opposition so he can damage them, tell us what they’re doing, stop them from winning the war. He’s a secret agent”.

There was a loud thud as Hastur hit the floor, followed by a splash as water from the puddle he’d landed in sloshed over Beelzebub. She looked over to Dagon who dragged Hastur to his feet and deposited him in a hastily miracled up chair. She took great pleasure in slapping him hard around the face. Hastur spluttered back to conciousness, but not quickly enough to prevent Dagon from administering another slap. As she pulled her hand back for a third Hastur grabbed her wrist and shouted “enough”. Dagon was a little disappointed but slunk back into the corner.

Hastur asked “what do you mean he’s a secret agent? No-one told me” he sounded hurt. “I’m telling you now. Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once” said Beelzebub. “He’s working with Michael to get Gabriel to fall, but according to his reports it’s Michael we need to watch, so he’s really working to get Michael to fall. We need you to push things along. Michael needs a new contact, a new official-unofficial contact that is. You’re it. Only you’re not really, you’re Ligur’s contact, but Michael needs to think it’s her you’re there to see”. Hastur’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he said “he told me he had a second chance, was joining the blessed choir, he wanted to stay friends” he spat out the final words a look of utter horror on his face.

Dagon winced, she had wanted them to suffer, wanted them miserable, but it sounded like it had gone further than even she’d intended. She interjected “he didn’t have a choice, gotta keep it secret, even from you. We told him, we told him, we…” she ground to a halt glancing at Beelzebub uncertainly. It had been her who had told him, no ‘we’ in it, would the other demon back her up?

Beelzebub glared at Dagon and said “doezzn't matter what he said, you’re his handler now and you need to meet him and Michael and get us a report on the situation”. Hastur looked like he would refuse, then he flushed an angry red colour and hell-fire started sparking at his fingertips. He was shaking with rage and shouted semi-incoherently, clenching and unclenching his fists “bastard. He really made me think he was, he had, he betrayed me, he was going to work for them, he, he , he. Bastard. I’ll kill him, I’ll bloody kill him!”

Beelzebub smiled. That was better, this was the Hastur she knew, angry and ready to kill things. She smiled at him “you aren’t going to kill anyone, you’re going to meet Michael, it’s all arranged”. Hastur stared at Beelzebub. “I ain’t gonna do nuffin’ ‘til I killed that bastard” he said angrily. The small demon sighed, he’d gone too far the other way now. First he didn’t care at all, now he wanted to kill him, there was never any middle ground with Hastur. She rolled her eyes and said quietly “you will do what you’re told, or do I need to remind you what happens to demons who don’t follow orders?” The hint of a threat was enough and Hastur shut his mouth. She could still sense the waves of simmering anger just below the surface, but he was at least making a pretence of doing what he was told.

She gave him the details of the meeting. He was not happy. The meeting was in Heaven. Well, technically it was on earth, but it was an office of Heaven, a kind of embassy on earth, once he stepped over the threshold he would technically be in Heaven, but not really in Heaven. It was complicated. “Agares has already given Ligur instructions to accompany Michael to this meeting and once there you must get him alone”. Beelzebub didn’t get any further. “I’ll bloody well get him alone alright, an’ when I do I’ll kill the bastard and then I’ll, I’ll kill him some more and I won’t stop killing him until, until he’s, he’s…” Hastur ground to a halt looking flushed and angry.

“Once you get him alone you will make sure he knows it’s Michael we’re after and you will give him any assistance he needs in meeting that objective” finished Beelzebub. Hastur was about to expostulate when they added “and once Michael is dealt with he can come back to Hell and you can kill him down here if you want”. Hastur seemed satisfied and turned on one heel marching out of the office and stomping through Hell a new sense of purpose in his step.


	7. Ligur and Gabriel In A Presentation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A presentation in Heaven leads to an embarrassed Gabriel and a disappointed Ligur….

Ligur was trying hard not to yawn. It was another of Gabriel’s interminable presentations. He’d really gone overboard this time, telling them in advance they needed to come in ‘leisurewear’. The angels had by and large been confused by this until someone said he meant stuff for doing exercise in. Ligur had got shorts and a vest, but the other angels seemed to have donned full suits of some soft material. He was feeling a little silly.

Demon-Ligur was threatening to put in an appearance, simmering in the background of his brain telling him how Gabriel had made him look like a right prick and he ought to knock his block off. Angel-Ligur tried to ignore him and smile sycophantically up at Gabriel, as he sat cross-legged with the other angels, like children at an assembly, shivering slightly in his skimpy outfit. At least the cold was doing a reasonable job of keeping him awake.

He looked away from Gabriel to where Michael was sitting. He was pleased to see she was looking at him with a certain glint in her eye. He scowled at her and was reassured to see her flush slightly. He wondered if it was too soon to suggest another meeting and thought it probably was. Best leave it to her to ask to see him, he didn’t want her thinking he was running round after her. As this point he was surprised to hear Gabriel saying his name and looked round alarmed.

Gabriel never understood why the other angels weren’t as enthusiastic as he was when it came to sport and exercise. It was the only thing the humans had invented that he could get wholly behind. Well, that and the clothes, he liked the clothes.

At the moment he was admiring the clothes his newest recruit was wearing. Unlike the other angels he really seemed to be getting into the spirit of this exercise thing. He went jogging almost every day, sometimes they even went together, he liked that. It was nice to jog with someone alongside him, happy and smiling and enjoying the experience. Most of the other angels seemed reluctant to go jogging with him. He was only trying to keep them in shape. The war might not have happened this time around, but sooner or later they would need to be in tip-top condition. There would be another Antichrist, one who wasn’t such a disobedient little brat, and then the world would end and they would win.

He’d reached the point in his presentation where he talked about useful combat skills. He knew a thing or two about combat skills. He may not have spent a lot of time on earth - apart from going jogging - but he did know about wrestling. It had been going since the beginning - although in the early days the humans had seemed to do it with no clothes on, which somehow felt wrong. It hadn’t stopped him watching it, after all it was combat and combat was what he was trained for. He wasn’t the archangel fucking Gabriel for nothing, but, well, no clothes just didn’t seem very holy. Thankfully they’d now invented ‘leisurewear’. That was much more suitable for angels.

Gabriel wanted to demonstrate the usefulness of wrestling as a sport, the angels didn’t play enough sports in his mind, good wholesome sports, feed the competitive spirit. He looked around at the angels, apathetic bunch he thought, none of them looked in shape. At least, he gazed at his newest recruit, he looked in shape, lots of muscles, well toned, shown off very well by those shorts. He liked the shorts. He was mildly concerned to see he seemed to have lost Ligur’s attention, that wasn’t like him. He decided he would use him for his demonstration and asked him to step up.

Ligur realised that Gabriel wanted him to stand up. While demon-Ligur would normally be very suspicious of any such request angel-Ligur was only too pleased to be of service. He bounded up enthusiastically to stand by Gabriel’s side beaming up at him. He had managed to tune out the last minute or so of Gabriel’s speech so was at a bit of a loss as to what was expected of him. Gabriel had said something about Jujutsu, which sounded like a sort of fruit to him. He was always suspicious of fruit he’d heard it contained vaticans, which was like holy stuff, so he wanted nothing to do with it. Maybe this was an angel thing, like choir practice, should he be singing?

Gabriel had adopted a strange pose, legs apart and arms held up in front of him. This confused Ligur even further, now he had no idea what was going on. Some of this must have showed in his face because Gabriel encouraged him “come on, give it your best shot” and started bouncing from one foot to the other. Did Gabriel want him to attack him? This was too good to be true, he’d wanted to smack Gabriel in the mouth since the first time he’d met him, he couldn't possibly be inviting him to do just that could he?

He looked suspiciously at Gabriel, who waved his arms around in front of him “don’t worry about hurting me, come on, I can take you” he then made a sort of groaning noise, was it meant to be a roar? Angel-Ligur was confused, he didn’t want to hurt his boss, that would be a bad thing. Demon-Ligur, took advantage of the angelic confusion and launched himself at Gabriel with a loud shout, releasing weeks of hatred into a concentrated attack on the archangel.

The other angels looked on nonplussed. Gabriel had invited the newest angel to attack him, which is what he’d done, but it looked like something had gone wrong. The new angel had flown at him aggressively arms flying out in an obvious attack. Gabriel had seemed to sidestep the attack quite neatly, but instead of using his angelic powers, or a holy weapon of the traditional sort used by angels when fighting, he had simply fallen on top of the other angel.

They were now both behaving alarmingly, making grunts and groans and rolling about on the floor. Gabriel had his arms and legs wrapped around the other angel. It looked like a sort of very aggressive cuddle. As they rolled around neither seemed able to get the upper-hand and the other angels looked at each other confused. Was this part of the presentation? None of them had really been listening so they weren’t sure.

The assembled angels continued to watch until it started to become a little uncomfortable. The new angel had a firm grip on Gabriel’s trousers and was pulling on them for all he was worth, possibly he was just trying to loosen Gabriel’s leg hold around his neck. He was having a certain amount of success, well if you measured success in terms of removing said item of clothing entirely. Gabriel on the other hand…well it was his other hand that was the issue. It seemed to have got itself firmly wedged in the new angel’s shorts. The watching angels started backing away as the pair rocked on the floor, Gabriel slowly losing his trousers revealing boxer shorts of a pale lilac colour and the new angel making loud strangled sounding noises.

Gabriel was confused. This had worked in the videos he’d watched. The initial throw had gone beautifully, totally taking his new angel off balanced and making him fall to the floor. Unfortunately at some point during this fall he’d managed to grab firmly onto Gabriel’s clothing and seemed to be doing a good job of removing it. He knew how this was meant to go, he should by now have his opponent in a strangle hold from which it was impossible to escape. His opponent was meant, at this point, to concede he had lost the bout, stand and bow to his conqueror. This opponent didn’t seem to have got the message. Perhaps it was because angels didn’t need to breath he mused. He hadn’t really thought about that aspect. 

He’d seen the humans fighting like this and decided it looked like fun, but he wasn’t even sure who was winning at this point. He had the new angel in a firm grip with one hand and had managed to get one leg round, he couldn’t quite get a proper lock on him though. He wasn’t sure where his other hand had gone, but it was quite warm. He could feel his trousers coming down and the other angel’s free hand gripping his thigh quite firmly. As they rolled around on the floor Gabriel noticed something else. Specifically something to do with his corporation in what he termed the ‘pants area’. This had happened a few times when he’d been watching wrestling but he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t painful, but he was pretty sure swelling usually indicated damage to a human corporation. He didn’t want to get damaged. It was, however, quite a nice feeling and he didn’t really want to stop the fight at this point. He’d have to admit he’d lost if he did.

Ligur was also confused, his demon self had taken over and he’d got part way through the attack when he’d remembered he was meant to be an angel. Angels certainly didn’t attack one another like this. Actually this was turning from an attack into something that Ligur knew full well angels were not meant to do. Certainly they were not meant to do it in front of an audience of other angels. Unless this was an aspect of angelic life he had hitherto been unaware of.

He decided that maybe he ought to play up and did his best to remove Gabriel’s trousers, to help the process along. He could feel Gabriel’s hand well up the leg of his shorts, groping around in a way that was actually quite pleasant, if a little uncoordinated. He could also feel Gabriel’s erection rubbing against him. It was quite large. Angel-Ligur looked on disapprovingly, but didn’t seem to have any helpful suggestions so demon-Ligur continued to rub against Gabriel and shifted so Gabriel could feel his own erection. For some reason this seemed to alarm the other angel who cried out quite loudly.

Gabriel was shocked to discover that the other angel was being damaged by this too. He had a large swelling in exactly the same place and, for some reason, seemed to be trying to rub it against him. Maybe, thought Gabriel, this was something the new angel remembered from when he’d been a demon. Demons knew more about human corporations after all, perhaps it was something that happened to them all the time. He thought he’d try the rubbing technique to see if it worked. At this point something really alarming happened, the swollen part of his anatomy (for which he had yet to find a practical use) suddenly seemed to explode. A sort of whitish gunky substance spurted out of it and all over the other angel’s leg. He was surprised to notice that this process was very pleasurable. It also seemed to alleviate the swelling.

He took a deep breath and decided now was the right time to put a stop to this. He released the other angel and started to get up. As he pulled his trousers back up the other angel looked at him oddly. Gabriel suddenly got the feeling that something was wrong. He wasn’t sure what had just happened exactly, but something was telling him it wasn’t quite right. The other angel looked confused and maybe a little hurt. Gabriel decided he had better leave at this point and waddled off in his damp clothes to get changed. Maybe he should do some more reading on human customs and corporations, certainly something was going on that he didn’t quite understand.

When he had done some reading he reviewed the ‘wrestling incident’ in the light of his new knowledge and was more than a little embarrassed. He remembered that that particular swelling had happened quite a few times when he’d been around the new angel and flushed. He thought he’d better not spend as much time with him. Getting a swelling like that around another angel didn’t seem to be something that should happen to the archangel Gabriel. He’d send Michael a memo. She could look after him for a bit, he was pretty sure Michael wouldn’t get the swelling problem.

Ligur was disappointed. He couldn’t stand Gabriel and would never normally have gone out of his way to fuck the archangel, but when the opportunity came up he wasn’t going to say ‘no’ was he? Wouldn’t be much of a demon if he went round saying ‘no’ to every temptation he came across. He then remembered that he wasn’t a demon and in his present angelic form he should most definitely be saying ‘no’ to temptation.

Not that it had mattered, the archangel had rubbed himself off on Ligur’s leg then stood up, dressed and left without saying a word. It was very rude. He’d found that, by and large, angels were a polite bunch and Gabriel’s sudden rudeness didn’t make sense to him. He got up and adjusted his clothing, noticing his unattended erection sadly. Maybe he could find Michael. Probably best to get dressed properly first though. He headed off to find some clothes wondering about Gabriel’s strange behaviour as he went.

Michael found him shortly afterwards. She looked hot and bothered, like something had happened to annoy her. He didn’t think she would welcome it if he made a pass at her. They were also back in the stairwell again. Although fucking her in the stairwell wasn’t impossible - it was the sort of thing he would have done with Hastur - he didn’t think it was quite her style. She had been very careful to lock the door of the stationery cupboard and he figured she would have more to lose if she was caught ‘fraternising’ with another angel in public than he or Hastur ever had.

In fact he and Hastur had never had anything to lose. One of the liberating things about being a demon was that no-one could ever think less of you than they did already and, as you were in Hell, nothing could really get any worse. There was no lower to go so nothing could touch you, you literally had nothing to lose. Ligur missed being a demon. He pulled his thoughts back to the here and now and concentrated on what Michael was saying.

Apparently she’d had a memo from Gabriel, something about him wanting her to take charge of his ‘orientation’. He wasn’t sure what that meant but gathered it was a bad thing. It seemed Gabriel wanted to spend less time with him, which was odd considering what had happened in the presentation earlier.

Angel-Ligur was a bit upset by that, he wondered what he’d done to upset Gabriel. Demon-Ligur rejoiced - stuff Gabriel and his terrible manners, cumming all over his leg then just buggering off, bastard. The less time he had to spend with Gabriel the better. Michael seemed really annoyed about it though and he suddenly remembered that, as far as she was concerned, he was meant to be getting Gabriel to fall. It would be rather difficult to do that if he wasn’t going to see him. Ah, that could be a problem.

Demon-Ligur chipped in at this point and explained what had happened when the other angels had left the presentation room. Michael looked shocked, which he thought was just a tad hypocritical considering what they’d done in the stationery cupboard. She also looked speculative and suggested that he should try to recreate the incident, but this time make more of an effort to get an audience. She seemed to think that shagging him would somehow ensure he fell. Ligur wasn’t sure how this worked, he’d shagged her and she’d had no such worries, but hey: anything to keep her onside. He agreed.

Michael then told him Hell had set up a meeting with her new liaison officer and suggested he come along. He didn’t think this was a good idea, but Michael pointed out that as she was handling his orientation he didn’t have a choice. Ligur sighed, it didn’t seem like he had any choice in anything these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear - this should be comedy but I feel quite bad for poor Gabriel now. Certainly an unusual pairing. If anyone has any thoughts I’d be happy to hear them.


	8. Hastur, Ligur and Michael In ‘Heaven’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ligur goes to meet Michael's demon contact not suspecting for a moment that Hell will have sent Hastur.
> 
> The couple are to be reunited at last - albeit in somewhat weird circumstances: Ligur is still an angel and has been bought along by his angel boss….
> 
> An excuse for more sex - and at least the pair are kind of back together - albeit there is still a bit of heartache all round. I’m sure they’ll sort it out.

Ligur tagged along behind Michael as she walked down a busy street. They were on earth. It was raining and Ligur was getting wet. He hadn’t heard back from Agares, or Dagon, or any of the demons and was feeling a bit abandoned. He didn’t even know if they were reading his reports. They had gone ahead with the liaison meeting, totally ignoring his message to put a stop to it and now he was stuck going along as well. Maybe he would get just a few moments alone with whoever they sent. Hopefully it was someone with a few more braincells than Agares.

He had a sudden moment of panic again that they might have involved Hastur, but reassured himself. Even Hell couldn’t be that incompetent could they? Surely? He had a sinking feeling that they could. He just hoped Agares had got the message to Dagon so at least they didn’t mess up that badly.

Michael turned in at a set of gates and made her way up the drive towards a house painted all in white. There was a depressingly holy aura around it and Ligur guessed it was one of Heaven’s outposts. They really called them that ‘outposts’ like they were in the wild west or something. He thought about Gabriel’s bungling leadership and decided that it was about right - Heaven really was a cowboy operation. He then remembered what Hell was like, if Heaven were cowboys then Hell were….were… well something worse than cowboys, cows maybe? They arrived at the door and he followed Michael in, feeling the holy aura envelop him as he crossed into what was technically Heavenly space.

Unbeknownst to him Hastur was stomping through London just behind Ligur and Michael. The rain followed him and soaked through his new suit. He was in a foul temper. Even worse than usual. He was going to have to meet Michael, who he had always hated, and Ligur who he newly hated. That utter and complete bastard. How could he be that evil? He stopped himself, Ligur had always been evil so of course he could be *that* evil. It was just the being evil to him in particular that was making him angry. He didn’t mind if Ligur was evil in general, or even evil in particular so long as it wasn’t directed at him.

Didn’t he realise what he’d done? Bastard. He would kill him. Soon as he’d got him back in Hell he would make his existence Hell. No scratch that he would make his existence something worse than Hell, he would make it… At this point his brain ran out of ideas. The only thing he could think of that was worse than Hell was Heaven and, as Ligur was there already, he didn’t think that was much of a threat. It didn’t sound right either ‘make his existence Heaven’ sounded like he was going to be nice to him when he actually wanted to do quite the opposite.

Thinking like this was making his temper worse. He arrived at the gates and stabbed at the intercom until his finger hurt. They must have had a camera at the gate as it opened smoothly for him and he stomped up the dive towards the house.

The meeting room was large and very spacious. There was a big oval table in some dark wood with multiple seats around it. Each place was set with an upturned water glass and a notepad and pen set. In the centre was a telephone attached to a speaker ready for people to dial into cross-departmental Heavenly meetings. The back wall was a whiteboard and seemed to be covered in scribbles with boxes and arrows and the occasional word, Ligur could make out ‘trickle down’ and ‘hearts and minds’ but not much else.

Michael huffed and reached for a board-wipe to remove the previous angelic presentation before their demon contact arrived. The writing wasn’t rubbing off, someone had used a permanent marker pen rather than the special whiteboard markers, the ones that always ran out of ink. He watched her futile attempts to clean the board disinterestedly. He was more concerned about who Hell were going to send to this meeting and how he was going to get her out of the room so he could talk to them alone.

At this point the door flew open slamming noisily into the wall, before flying back into the face of the demon who’d opened it. Ligur looked round just in time to see a familiar face about to get hit square on the nose by the door. Hastur - shit.

If Hastur had been in a terrible mood before it had just got worse. His dramatic entrance had been spoiled by the behaviour of the stupid door. His nose was bleeding now too, dripping down his soaked suit. He wondered vaguely why he never seemed able to keep clothes clean before looking up and scowling at the angels.

He stabbed at the already raw wound by reminding himself it was ‘angels’ in the plural now. He glared at Michael, doing his best not to notice his former friend, who stood slightly awkwardly in a damp off-white suit trying to smile at him. He’d wipe that blessed smile off the bastard’s face soon enough.

Angel-Ligur made a move forward to help the poor demon who appeared to have been badly injured by the door. Demon-Ligur managed to stop him and smirked instead. He didn’t know what to do, what to say, he couldn’t explain to Hastur. Even if he ignored Dagon’s threats there was Michael to consider.

He assumed she had also been told not to discuss the operation with any other demons. What had they called it again, something silly: accidental, acne-dental, anaconda something like that. It was certainly a weird name, he thought it meant a type of snake that lived in South America. He wasn’t a snake. Or was he? Was this Hell’s way of telling him he was a ‘snake in the grass’ that sounded a bit too clever for Hell though, probably just a mix up.

He looked at Hastur’s face and his heart seemed to skip a beat. He looked so angry, so gloriously, beautifully angry. He loved it when Hastur was angry like this, it usually meant he was going to kill someone. He sighed happily, before remembering that Hastur probably wanted to kill him. He tried to telepathically tell Hastur that everything would be alright, he just had to get rid of the angel (the other angel) and he would explain everything. Stuff Dagon’s threats, if she’d sent Hastur along she couldn’t expect him not to tell him.

Hastur was annoyingly refusing to even look in his direction, glaring aggressively at Michael instead. He followed Hastur’s gaze and was irritated to find that Michael was smiling at Hastur. His Hastur. What did she think she was doing? Bastard.

Hastur growled at Michael “well, what’s this all about? Can’t even manage a simple operation on your own eh? Thought you would have sorted Gabriel out in five minutes flat. Stupid bugger should be easier to lead into Hell than a, a, a child to the slaughter” he finished up. That didn’t sound quite right - was it children you slaughtered? He certainly had slaughtered children, but he didn’t think the humans had created a phrase about it. Maybe it was calves, or kittens?

Michael sighed. They’d sent another idiot hadn’t they? It was Hell that had called the meeting and now the demon they’d sent didn’t seem to know what it was even meant to be about. She turned to get herself a glass of water, buy some time to allow her temper to simmer down before trying to speak to him.

“Lamb” Hastur shouted suddenly, having remembered what humans led to slaughter, making Michael jump. This was ridiculous. “Lord Beelzebub asked for the meeting - it’s you that can’t manage your own operation. Your agent has just managed to piss Gabriel off so much he’s palmed him off to me” she said gesturing at Ligur. “How’s he meant to make him fall if he can’t even see him, even if he does fancy him it’s no use to me if he’s pining from the other side of Heaven. I need him exposed as a sodomite to the rest of Heaven before they’ll agree to kick him out!”

Ligur was alarmed, it sounded like Michael had just let the cat out of the bag. She shouldn’t be talking about the operation to Hastur. He hissed at her “it’s meant to be secret”, but she gave him a blank look. Hastur too looked confused. “Wha’d’ya mean ‘fancy him’ fancy who?” he asked creasing his brow. Michael stared at him again “do I really have to explain this?” She asked in an exasperated voice. Hastur nodded at her.

Michael took a deep breath “your agent - Ligur - seducing our target - Gabriel - haven’t you read any of my reports?” Hastur shook his head and Michael huffed in an exasperated way. Then his brain caught up with the words, she’d said ‘seduce’ “what!? My Ligur seducing that pudding headed wanker, do me a favour, even his taste isn’t that bad”.

Ligur’s heart did that weird thing again ‘my Ligur’, that’s what he’d said. He sighed happily. Also he seemed to know all about the operation. He wondered when Hell had decided to tell Hastur and why they hadn’t told him that it was ok to talk about it. Angel-Ligur was immediately concerned - poor Hastur, having to find out from someone else that this was all subterfuge, he would have felt awful, so upset. He felt that annoying wet eye thing starting again as angel-Ligur imagined how terrible it must have been for his poor Hastur. He moved forward to take Hastur’s hand in sympathy.

Hastur felt his hand being grabbed and reacted as any demon would in that situation. He burst into flames. The attacking angel cried out in pain and jumped back glaring at him accusingly. Hastur realised that it was Ligur. He no longer cared what Beelzebub had said, that bastard had started it and he was going to finish it. Discorporate him right here, right now. He let out a yell of pure animal rage and flew at Ligur.

Unlike Gabriel, Ligur didn’t neatly side step the attack and was taken completely off his feet. They rolled onto the floor demon-Ligur attempting to grow out his claws and fangs, or summon hell-fire, anything to get the advantage on his attacker, before realising that he no longer had any of his natural weapons available. Hastur by now had got the upper hand and was holding him by the hair and bashing his head into the floor repeatedly. Ligur acted on impulse and used his weight to throw Hastur over him and into the wall behind. He turned quickly grabbing the nearest chair and threw it at him. The chair broke with a crash and Hastur grabbed one broken leg as Ligur picked up another. They circled each other warily, both growling aggressively.

Michael looked on stunned by their behaviour. She could not understand what had got into Ligur, Hastur too for that matter. She knew the two of them had been close, probably very close - her mind jumped back to Ligur in the stationery cupboard and she shivered pleasurably - but they were on the same side. Ligur was only trying to seduce Gabriel for Hell’s advantage why would Hastur be jealous. If he was jealous about Gabriel what about her?

She watched as Ligur broke the stand-off, aiming the splintered point of his chair leg firmly towards Hastur’s throat and launching himself at his opponent. Hastur anticipated the assault and ducked, dropping his chair leg and grabbed Ligur just below the knees sending him crashing forwards onto the table. He leapt on top of him and grabbed his hair again trying to bash him unconscious on the tabletop.

Ligur kicked him as hard as he could and they rolled apart for a few seconds. Given enough space to move Hastur reached into his pocket and pulled something out, with a deft flick of his wrist he opened the butterfly knife without even looking. He slowly stood up on the table and Ligur did the same, carefully reaching for the chair leg while maintaining eye contact with his opponent. They were now both armed and again circled each other warily.

Michael had had enough of this. It was ridiculous. The crashing noise of broken furniture would soon bring the other occupants of the house to the room unless she did something to stop this fight now. She summoned her sword from the ether and crashed it down on the table between them. Being a divine blade, blessed with enough power to smite Satan himself, the sword neatly cut through the table sending both combatants tumbling onto the floor. It also sent the conference call unit spinning up into the air and crashing down against the wall. A green light on it started blinking unnoticed by Michael or anyone else in the room.

Hastur and Ligur looked at each other over the mess of the table. Hastur’s nose was still bleeding and now he had some serious bruising coming up on the side of his face. Ligur had a black eye and a slash across his forehead that was pouring blood down his face, dripping onto his formerly white suit. They smiled at each other. Hastur stood offering Ligur his hand, who after a moment’s hesitation took it and was immediately pulled into an embrace.

Hastur seemed to have forgotten about the fight. Just as he was thinking this Ligur felt the knife plunged into his side and screamed, trying to twist himself away from Hastur “that’ll teach you, you bastard” he yelled over Ligur’s screams. As he pulled the knife out aiming the next blow slightly higher, hoping to cause more damage, Hastur felt something crash with great force into him from behind.

Having saved him from the murderous attack, Michael put the chair down and reached out to help Ligur up. Ligur however, had other ideas “you hit him, you bloody hit him, no-one hits my Hastur apart from me” and flew at her angrily. Hastur, having recovered from the blow, got up and did the same. Michael found herself under attack from two sides.

The scuffle didn’t last long, partly because Michael was just so flabbergasted that the two demons, sorry one demon one angel, who had apparently been going all out to kill each other were suddenly working together. Between them they were always going to be able to overpower her physically, and together it seemed the combination of holy and unholy energy managed to do the same on the metaphysical plane. Michael soon found herself held helpless between the two.

Hastur held her from behind and hissed into her ear “pretty little angel, not so cocky now are you? What shall we do with you?” She shuddered at the threatening voice as the demon rubbed in his victory, his dominance over her. Michael looked up into Ligur’s glowing red eyes and suddenly felt a bolt of lust shoot through her. The last time she’d seen his eyes that colour was when they’d been in the stationery cupboard together. The memory hit her low down and the heat spread out from there, she realised she was enjoying this.

Knowing it was hopeless Michael nevertheless tried to twist in Hastur’s grip, work herself free. It was like the stationery cupboard all over again, her hands behind her back, Ligur looking at her so intensely. She looked away, this wasn’t the place for these sort of feelings, not when there was a demon present. Ligur reached out and roughly grabbed her chin pulling her face round to look directly into his eyes again. “I think the pretty little angel is enjoying this Hast” and laughed a truly evil sounding laugh. Michael thought she was melting from the inside and whimpered in response.

Between them they got Michael’s clothes off. They both noticed that, while she was resisting some of the time, the other half of the time she was helping them. It wasn’t long before they had her naked, pinned face down on the floor, Ligur holding her wrists and Hastur sat on her legs. “Think our naughty little angel needs teaching some manners” crooned the voice behind her and she felt a sudden slap land squarely on her arse. Above her Ligur laughed, he put her wrists together so he could hold them with one hand and pulled her head up by the hair leaning in to kiss her as Hastur landed his second blow.

She screamed into Ligur’s mouth, then groaned as Hastur’s hand started groping. He eased her thighs apart so he could kneel between them, holding them apart with his own legs. He ran one hand up the inside of her thigh while Ligur still kissed her. She felt waves of lust flowing down through her and a heat building between her legs as Hastur’s hand groped higher and higher. She was willing him to continue, touch her, violate her. When suddenly the hand was withdrawn and Ligur pulled out from the kiss. She whined in disappointment and heard them both laughing.

Michael watched helpless as Ligur leant over to kiss the demon, deeply and slowly, she could feel the lust rolling off the two of them as she lay exposed and frustrated beneath them. Hastur pulled back first and said over her head “what shall we do with the slutty angel Lig?” and she felt a sharp lightening bolt of desire hit her. She willed Ligur on, wanting him to think of something terribly dirty and intimate that Hastur could do to her, that they both could do to her.

This time it would be their responsibility entirely. She wasn’t in control so couldn’t be blamed for anything that happened, she’d been overpowered, it wasn’t her fault. It didn’t matter that she would enjoy it. She hoped that, even though he was now an angel, Ligur would still retain some demonic spirit, think up something suitably obscene that she would be ‘forced’ to endure, obviously entirely against her will.

“Let’s ask her” suggested Ligur, “tell me little angel-slut do you want to be fucked by a demon?” She groaned and let her head fall, face resting against the floor, not able to frame an answer. Ligur pulled her up by the hair again so she was looking into his eyes “tell him you’re a slut and want to be fucked or we’ll just leave you here, go back to Hell and never touch you again” he threatened.

Michael panicked, she didn’t want to be left alone, she wanted to be fucked. This wasn’t fair, it was meant to be done against her will to give her ‘plausible deniability’, so she could claim she was forced. If anyone was going to fuck her she would rather Ligur do it anyway, at least he was an angel, that was a more forgiveable breach of duty. However, in her current lust-filled state she’d take either of them, possibly both of them. Ligur started releasing her wrists saying “I don’t think she wants us babe”. Michael was desperate for them to continue, the heat that had built up in her needed a release, it was too much for her to cope with alone, untouched.

Hastur listened amazed as the archangel Michael told him she was a slut. He looked at Ligur with a new respect, he’d only been in Heaven a few weeks and already he’d managed to degrade one of the most venerated and pure angels ever to have existed. It was impressive, it was also very bloody sexy. He leant down and whispered in her ear “tell me again, ask me to fuck you” not quite believing that she would, but she did. He undid his trousers looking at Ligur with a big grin on his face. He groped her again and his fingers slipped between very wet lips, sliding up across her entrance and onto her clit. She moaned loudly and asked for more “blimey, you are a slut” he said surprised and she groaned beneath him.

Hastur put an arm round her waist, lifting her hips until she was up on her knees, then lined up and entered her carefully. He heard her hiss of breath and looked up to see Ligur watching him. He winked lewdly and began moving, fucking the archangel with a steady rhythm, pulling her towards him with each thrust. Ligur watched happily, he loved Hastur so much, it was wonderful to see him enjoying himself. He must have been so miserable, so alone these last few weeks, poor Hastur.

Ligur frowned, that was angel-Ligur thinking again. He told angel-Ligur to bugger off and concentrated on holding Michael’s wrists with one hand. With the other he reached down under Hastur’s belly until he got to her arse, miracling up some lube he slowly began working a finger into her crack and towards her hole, enjoying the way her breath hitched and the moan she let out as he started pushing his finger in and out in time with Hastur’s thrusts.

Hastur sped up, grabbing the archangel to him and shouting down at her “tell me you’re a slut again”. She was gasping for breath as he fucked her really hard, but managed to shout out “I’m a slut” as Hastur’s orgasm hit and he filled her with cum. Somewhere in the corner of the room the green light continued blinking on and off as the conferencing unit microphone did it’s job.

Ligur looked at Hastur adoringly as he pulled out of the archangel, adjusted his clothing and went and got a chair. “Reckon it’s your turn now Lig” he said. Michael was slightly alarmed, she wasn’t sure whether two of them was feasible. It was almost as if Ligur had sensed her concern, he helped her up and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. She relaxed, he wasn’t going to try and shag her.

Ligur suddenly knelt in front of her grabbing her hips and pulling his face into her. She felt his tongue poke between her legs and his hand pushing up between them and to insert fingers insider her. She spread her legs slightly without thinking about it, feeling the wetness of Hastur’s cum sliding down her leg and onto Ligur’s hand. She moaned as he flicked his tongue across her clit and curled his fingers round insider her.

As she looked up she saw Hastur watching, a broad grin on his face, he winked at her and said in a low voice “is the little angel-slut gonna cum now?” She hadn’t realised how close she was, as Ligur’s tongue hit her relentlessly and his finger worked in and out she felt light-headed and cried out as her orgasm washed over her, grabbing hard onto the back of Ligur’s head and pushing him onto her as she came.

Hastur waited a moment before saying “what were we meant to be discussing again?” Michael blinked at him a few times before suddenly getting hit with a wave of embarrassment at her behaviour and current state of undress. She hastily waved a hand to restore her professional looking appearance and said “I told you it was Hell that called the meeting”. She was feeling rather flustered and seeing the two of them staring at her was unsettling.

Michael hastened to say “just find a way to get Gabriel out of the equation, I don’t care what it takes”. They were both still looking at her, Hastur smirking and Ligur looking smug. She couldn’t cope with them both looking at her like that. “I’m just going to, err, going to…” as she backed towards the door “let me know when you’re finished” she threw out at Ligur as she went out, closing the door behind her.

Hastur cackled, then stopped, looking seriously at Ligur “don’t think you’re off the hook you bastard, I’m gonna get you back for what you done to me, evil git”. Ligur smiled serenely saying “I’m lookin’ forward to it babe, expectin’ a proper seeing to when I’m back in Hell” he winked broadly. They both smiled. Hastur explained that Hell wanted him to concentrate on Michael, they were quite happy for Gabriel to retain his position, he was an idiot.

Ligur agreed and said he’d already come to the same conclusion regarding Michael. The difficulty was making sure Michael didn’t realise she was the real target. She thought this whole thing was her idea and her understanding was that it was Gabriel they were after. He then went on to try and make an elaborate pun about ‘coming to the same conclusion’ and ‘cumming in the same angel’ referencing Michael. Hastur didn’t follow, but he laughed anyway and stood up walking towards Ligur. “Guess you’re the only one what hasn’t cum” he said pulling a face.

Ligur grabbed him, pulling him in for a deep kiss “you offering babe?” Hastur looked coy, which really didn’t suit him. Then turned and walked provocatively away, swaying his hips. He reached the half collapsed mess that was the table and bent over it, kicking up one leg “I’m always a slut for you babe” wiggling his arse.

Ligur virtually ran over grabbing Hastur to him “I missed this” he muttered into Hastur’s back as he hastened to pull his trousers down, miracling up a handful of lube and slapping it into his partner’s crack. Hastur groaned as Ligur worked his finger inside, pushing surprisingly gently to begin with, until Hastur thrust himself hard back against him. “Fuck me now, go on, you know how much I’ve been missing this” he said pushing hard back against Ligur’s hand.

Ligur let him make a few more thrusts onto his fingers before pulling out his own erection and lining up behind his partner. He slid in slowly, rejoicing at the groan Hastur made as he slammed the last inch hard into him. He wasn’t gentle from that point, desperately fucking him as if he slowed down then somehow his partner might escape, be forever out of reach, lost to him once more. He growled aggressively at each thrust, grabbing Hastur’s hips and pulling him back onto him. When he was ready to cum he shouted out “fucking slut, tell me you need this” Hastur yelled loudly, an outpouring of emotion adding volume to his cries. He really did need this.

Outside Michael waited patiently listening to Hastur’s cries. She could hardly begrudge them this, their reunion. There was something between Hastur and Ligur that she would never have. They might be prepared to shag her, make her cum, but there was no real emotional connection. She knew that, but she still wanted them, either of them or both of them. She didn’t care that Hastur had called her a slut, that they pretty much humiliated her by stripping her, pinning her down, making her say those things, act like that. Even though she knew it was only done for their amusement she still wanted it.

She was also horribly and heart-achingly jealous of the pair of them. Why couldn’t she find someone who loved her that much. She was an archangel, so good, so pure, so awe-inspiringly beautiful that she should have worshippers lining up to adore her. This line of thought shocked her, this was Satan’s line of thought. Setting themselves up as an equal of God, worthy of adoration and worship. This was the way to fall. She still yearned for it.

Ligur looked at Hastur. He was close to tears. He didn’t want to leave, go back to bloody Heaven with the angels. Sing in the choir, shag Gabriel, shag Michael, praise God. He was sick of it. All he wanted was his evil, dirty, ugly Hastur back, to sit in the dark, damp corridors of Hell listening to the distant screams of souls in torment and fuck themselves senseless in the small dank stationery cupboard with the dodgy door. He fought off the tears.

What if he had to stay an angel for months, years, centuries? What would Hastur do then? He’d already shagged Michael with every sign of enjoyment, what if he failed in his mission, didn’t bring Michael down, would Hastur do it instead? Would he drag Michael down to Hell and shag her for all eternity while Ligur was left alone, in Heaven but really in Hell?

Hastur waved him towards the door. “Go an’ get this over with, wanna get you back where you belong ya evil bastard”. He looked sad. Angel-Ligur started trying to imagine how he felt, but demon-Ligur shut the bastard down, angels had no place near his Hastur, angel-Ligur could just bugger off. With that thought he left, shutting the door gently behind him.

Left alone Hastur stared at the closed door before bursting into tears. He wanted this to end, he’d had enough, it was too much, too cruel. His Ligur up with the bloody angels, doing Satan knew what. The way he’d stuck his tongue first down the throat of and then in the cunt of that bloody angel. What if he was losing him, what if he wanted the angel more than him? What would happen if he succeeded, got the bitch to fall? Would he ever get his Ligur back or would he always have feelings for that bloody angel, always be thinking he’d rather be shagging her, fantasising about her when he was with him. He shuddered at the thought of it.

Earlier he’d managed to fool himself that things were just the same, that nothing had changed, but his Ligur was an angel, stuck up in Heaven shagging other angels without him. It wasn’t fair. Hastur shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts from it. Looking around the mess of the room he saw a green light blinking on and off, that was odd.

As he angrily wiped the tears away from his eyes, he caught his bloodied nose causing a bolt of pain and fresh blood to pour down his face. He relished it. He’d rather feel real pain than deal with this internal heartache. He screwed up his eyes, balled up his fist and punched himself squarely on the nose, hearing the crack as his nose broke and screaming at the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I’ve tagged for jealousy - being separated from your other half can be difficult, even if you know it’s temporary. How much worse if they’re sleeping around for a job and you’re stuck in Hell? Am I making this too angst-ridden?


	9. Aziraphale, Crowley and Hastur In The Bookshop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the bookshop the plot thickens and Hastur’s nose hurts. He might have hit on a cunning plan though….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the ‘plot’ is coming together and an end is in sight…. Only a few more chapters I think.

Aziraphale was reading again. Although notionally the shop was open he didn't have any customers. Possibly because he'd turned the main lights off and was reading with the aid of a lamp.

Crowley had gone out, he wasn't sure where exactly and didn't intend to ask. He had a feeling that his demon was planning something. He just hoped it was a nice something. Even though demons weren't meant to be nice he knew Crowley could be when he put his mind to it.

It was a few days since they'd had their visitor and the couple had tried out a few things, the angel thoroughly enjoying playing the role of a stern but ultimately kind 'master'. Crowley had resisted using 'sir', which was understandable, but did thoroughly enjoy being called a ‘slut’ in certain circumstances.

There were a lot of alternative names used in the literature and videos he'd found in his research, but he wasn't comfortable insulting his demon in quite that way. They had made a mutual decision that none of this bedroom play would ever spill out into the ‘real’ world. Unlike Hastur he didn't want to potentially humiliate his partner in public, or even threaten to do so.

He had a suspicion that even Crowley regretted some of the extremes he'd gone to with the other demon. Although he’d ‘forced’ Crowley to ‘confess’ to some of the more salacious stories, with full details about how he’d felt and how he’d enjoyed it.

He might not want Crowley to go through these particular sorts of ‘punishments’ again, but it was very sexy hearing about it, and 'punishing' the demon for his constant erections when recurring the details. He hummed happily at the memory. In the middle of this revelry there came a hesitant knock at the door. Aziraphale frowned. A customer, not what he wanted, he should have flipped the closed sign.

Hastur was trying to get drunk, but for some reason it wasn't working. After the meeting with the angels he'd headed off to the nearest shop and nicked himself a litre bottle of vodka and a single can of an energy drink. He'd then found a park to sit in.

After drinking about a quarter of the vodka he'd tipped the can into the bottle to make a mixed drink. He'd heard drinks with mixers were posh, more sophisticated than simply drinking neat vodka.

The soft drink made the vodka slightly sweet, maybe just took the raw edge off it. He didn’t mind, but couldn’t really see why it made it any more sophisticated. He growled at a passer by who was looking at him disapprovingly, if he didn’t watch it there might be another of those rare cases of ‘spontaneous combustion’ to explain away.

He thought about the meeting, he thought about Michael and then he thought about Ligur. It started raining again. He needed to find a way to get this whole thing out of the way and get Ligur back. Preferably leaving Michael in Heaven.

Surely the fact that she’d shagged a demon would be enough to turn the other angels against her, they had turned on Aziraphale quickly enough. Although he’d also stopped Armageddon, which was a pretty big thing. Then again Michael was trying to get Gabriel to fall and that was a fairly big thing too. He just didn’t know how they could prove any of it.

He was fairly certain no-one in Heaven would believe him and if Ligur was to go back to Hell it stood to reason they wouldn’t believe him either. What they really needed was independent corroboration from someone who wasn’t tainted by association with Hell. The only angel he knew, other than Ligur who didn’t count, was Aziraphale and he didn’t think Heaven considered him particularly reliable either.

If only there was some way of proving it without relying on a witness, something irrefutable, solid evidence, like a recording. Like a recording. Hastur screwed up his eyes and tried to visualise the room, he was almost sure, no he was sure. The conference unit had had a red light on when he’d come into the room. By the time he’d left the light had been flashing green.

He was pretty sure that meant something. Maybe the unit had accidentally been set off somehow. Did those things record, he wondered. He thought he’d better find Crowley, he was the one who understood technology.

Aziraphale was shocked when he opened the door. Outside was a soaking wet demon, swaying slightly and clutching a nearly empty vodka bottle in one hand. His nose was broken, the bridge swollen and the end veering off to one side, he had two black eyes, bruising all down the side of his face and was covered in blood.

The angel immediately started fussing over him, bringing in him out of the rain and producing yet another fluffy white bathrobe, urging him to take off his wet clothes. Hastur was a little more used to how things worked in the bookshop this time around. He still wasn’t entirely sure why he had to take his clothes off every time he came here, but wasn’t averse to it.

As he stripped, further bruising became visible along his back and side. “What happened?” the angel asked. Hastur muttered something about running into an old friend and the angel rushed out to get some antiseptic wipes and arnica cream telling the demon he’d be back soon.

The door opened behind him and Hastur spun round. It was only Crowley. He didn’t exactly look pleased to see Hastur, but when he noted the state he was in his attitude softened a little. He echoed Aziraphale’s question and Hastur grunted in response that he’d been ‘to Hell and back’ meaning the phrase quite literally. He asked where Aziraphale was and Hastur pointed to the back of the shop. The demon rushed out to find his angel.

Out back Aziraphale was searching for his first aid box that he knew he’d had here only a short while ago. He was relieved to see Crowley and asked him to help look for it. The demon shook his head at the angel and snapped his fingers making a box appear on the table right in front of him.

“Oh yes dear, I always forget we can do that”. It was true, Aziraphale got terribly flustered and quite often forgot that he could still do miracles. Crowley used this fact to reassure him that he was, most definitely, still an angel whenever he was hit with doubts. He might not be exactly working for Heaven anymore, but he was still an angel, albeit a freelance angel.

“Did you see the state of him?” The angel asked. “Could hardly miss it. He said he’s been to Hell and back, they must have gotten wind of him being here”.

Aziraphale was confused. “What does that matter, Hell’s probably forgotten about the whole thing by now anyway, they’ve not been in touch have they? Officially in touch I mean”.

Crowley sighed, the angel really didn’t get how Hell worked. “Hell does not forget” he said giving it the proper ominous emphasis. He then went on “if they know Hastur has been up here conducting friendly relations with me, a traitor, and you, an angel, then it’s quite likely that they’ve done this to him to teach him a lesson”.

The angel was horrified “but would they really do that? Oh how horrible, poor Hastur, we need to look after him, it’s a good job I made that spare room, he’ll have to stay of course”.

Crowley groaned, for someone so clever he really was pretty stupid sometimes. “No he can’t stay here, staying here would be the worst thing he could do. If they’ve done this to him for spending one night here imagine what they’d do if he moved in? Don’t you get it? We have to get him out of here for his own safety”.

Aziraphale looked shocked “turn him out on the street? I don’t think we can do that, maybe there is a charity mission somewhere, I’m sure I still have that contact number for my network of agents”.

Crowley rolled his eyes “Shadwell has retired, and besides I don’t think housing a demon in a charity mission would be a good idea anyway. Hastur has a tendency to set fire to things....and people” he said meaningfully. “Let’s just patch him up and get him out of here”.

Left alone Hastur had picked out a book to read. Ngaio Marsh: Enter A Murderer, another one where the victim thoroughly deserved his fate. He finished off the last of the vodka and was wondering if the angel had any wine he could pilfer when they came back into the shop.

Crowley took one look at his nose and said gleefully that it needed to be ‘re-set’ and volunteered to do it. Aziraphale was horrified when he grabbed Hastur’s face and prepared to tweak the nose into place. “why don’t you use a miracle dear” he said, but too late. Hastur screamed as his nose was forced back into alignment.

The bleeding started again and the demon glared at them, snapping his fingers and repairing the damage himself. “You bloody well enjoyed that dint you?” he said accusingly at Crowley who looked a little chastened, but then grinned at the Duke “it needed doing”.

Hastur grinned back, “reckon you’re not such an awful demon after all” he conceded before asking if there was any wine. He watched as the two of them exchanged a meaningful look that he didn’t understand.

Aziraphale spoke first “I really think, don’t you, that, you know, for your own good that maybe you should, well actually shouldn’t, yes, shouldn’t stay here?” There was a hint of a question at the end.

Hastur looked put out and turned to the other demon. Crowley shook his head “he’s right you know, I don’t think you being here is a good idea”. Hastur opened his mouth. Probably to say something about demons not doing things that were ‘a good idea’. Crowley shut him down, “time to go, come on, I’ll just dry these clothes for you” looking at the wreck of the ‘new’ suit disapprovingly.

Hastur was hurt, really hurt. He’d had enough of this, first his best friend and partner turned on him, becoming a bloody angel with no regard for him. Then he found out the sneaky bastard had been pretending all that time, wasn’t really going to stay an angel at all. Then he finds he was sleeping around with all the other angels, apparently to try to make them fall, but whatever, he was still shagging angels. Then he finally thought he’d sorted things out with Crowley and now the bastard was turning on him too. He did what he usually did when annoyed and burst into flames.

Aziraphale panicked, looking at his precious books and snapped his fingers transporting Hastur out of the bookshop before he did any serious damage. He hadn’t really been thinking much about where he was transporting Hastur to, just anywhere away from his books.

Aziraphale turned to Crowley looking more than a little concerned. “Oh dear. I do hope I haven’t sent him somewhere dreadful”.

Hastur found himself in the dark. It was a cramped, smelly dark that was also slightly damp. He wondered if he was back in Hell. When he tried to stand up he bashed his head on something. He appeared to be in a small metal container of some sort. It also seemed to be full of squishy plastic bags that, even to him, smelled pretty bad.

After a few seconds he had worked out where he was. He wasn’t in Hell, no it was much worse than that. He was in a commercial waste bin, surrounded by bags of stinking rubbish. Well, this about topped it off.

The rubbish was engulfed in fire and the bin around him melted. He saw that he was just round the back of the bookshop, not far away from where he’d started. He rolled up the sleeves of the now very dirty bathrobe and stomped round to the door of the bookshop. He’d see about this. No-one put a Duke of Hell in a bin and got away with it.

Inside the bookshop they heard a whoosh, like a fireball and then heard an angry growling noise. Ah, thought Crowley, that sounded like trouble. Hastur flung the door of the shop open, and learning from the last time kept an arm out to catch the door as if flew back towards his nose.

He strode in looking rather less impressive than he thought, considering the grubby state of his attire, the slight charring around the edges and the banana peel on his shoulder. He did, however, look very dangerous.

“What’s this all about Crowley? I thought we’d bloody well sorted this out. You and your precious angel. I even, I even, even thought he liked me!” He stopped at this embarrassing revelation.

Picking up where he left off he shouted “well, if you wanna discorporate me here I am, go on. I’ve just about had enough of all of this, Ligur off pretending to be an angel an’ shagging half of Heaven, Hell sending me on secret bloody missions to shag angels and now you two sending me into, into, a bloody bin!” He stopped panting for breath.

Now this speech had a lot of information in it, specifically a lot that was brand new to Crowley and Aziraphale and which, given the somewhat incoherent nature of it’s delivery, they had failed to completely understand.

Crowley latched onto the Ligur part “what do you mean ‘pretending’ to be an angel, you can’t pretend to be an angel, either you are one or you aren’t - that’s how it works”. Hastur glared at him.

Aziraphale’s attention had been caught by another aspect of this speech “what do you mean ‘secret mission to shag angels’, angels don’t do that sort of thing, certainly not with demons. Well not usually” he amended with a glance towards Crowley.

Hastur turned to glare at him this time, then seeing his attention was on the other demon settled back to glaring at Crowley who’d just decided he was going to look at the angel instead.

Aziraphale looked from one to the other of them. Hastur realised he’d lost Crowley’s attention so turned back to the angel, just as he looked back to Crowley.

All three spent some moments sorting out who they were going to glare at before Aziraphale broke the somewhat confused stand off. “I think you’d better explain this from the beginning” he said to Hastur.

The Duke was taken off guard by this very reasonable suggestion. “Not until you explain why you put me in that bin” he offered as a compromise.

Aziraphale apologised profusely explaining that he had just wanted him out of the bookshop before he burned it down. The apology was begrudgingly accepted and Hastur made for a chair, intercepted by Aziraphale offering him yet another bathrobe.

He was getting very confused by this now, was he meant to put a different robe on each time he went into the bookshop? Shrugging he took it and effected the change finally taking a seat.

The angel suggested he make a pot of tea so they could all sit down and talk about things like civilised entities.

As soon as the angel was out of the way Crowley turned to Hastur “look you can tell me, why did Hell do this to you?” Hastur looked confused, which wasn’t that unusual, but Crowley thought he’d been quite clear this time. He tried again “was it because you’d been here? Did they find out?”

The other demon screwed up his face in concentration “find out what?” This wasn’t getting them anywhere. Time for an even more direct approach “who broke your nose?” he asked. Hastur looked relieved “oh, that was only Ligur, you shoulda seen the state he was in, I got ‘im right in the side with me knife, loads a blood, I missed that” he sighed happily gazing into the distance.

It was Crowley’s turn to look confused “you mean Hell didn’t do it?” Hastur focussed back on the other demon “no, why would Hell want to break my nose? Well, aside from it being quite painful so probably someone would do it for no reason other than that, but why would you think they’d want to?” he finished up somewhat incoherently.

Crowley thought about this and put it together with some of the information that Hastur had let slip earlier. He sat for a moment pondering then finally asked cautiously “Ligur is working undercover?”

Hastur nodded happily “an’ we need to discredit Michael so Gabriel can stay in charge of Heaven and she gets put in her place then Ligur can come back and I’ll kill him good and proper this time. I got a plan too” he confided. “I need help from you two though”.

Crowley’s head was spinning slightly. “Why would Hell go to all this trouble just to keep Gabriel in charge? Surely if they’re going after anyone it would be the one in charge?” he asked.

Hastur cackled “he’s got pudding for brains, an’ no chance of leading the Heavenly hosts to victory. Michael on the other hand, well she’s almost as sneaky as a demon. Probably why she’s plotting with Hell to get Gabriel out and asking demons to shag her. She’s most of the way to Hell already”.

Aziraphale had caught the end of this and was horrified. “Plotting against Gabriel? She wouldn’t, I mean Gabriel, well, he isn’t the nicest of angels, but really, plotting to depose him, that’s just not on. Someone should have words with that angel”. He seemed to realise that ‘words’ was not quite enough he added “strong words, very strong words indeed” and sat, crossing his arms in a decisive way.

Crowley ignored this and instead asked curiously “which demon did she ask to shag her?” He saw Hastur’s smug grin and was concerned “you?!” he asked.

“What’s wrong with me eh? I reckon it was Ligur she was after, but he’s shagged her already, but this time we might have proof, just gotta work it out. It’s, it’s, erm a technol-ol-olgy thing, thought you could help”. He looked hopefully up at Crowley who shrugged.

Hastur explained about the conference call device and the red and green lights and his thoughts that maybe it recorded things. Like an answer-phone, he added with a glare at Crowley.

Surprisingly it was Aziraphale who answered. He knew exactly how Heaven’s conferencing system worked. How he knew this Crowley wasn’t sure, until he explained that he’d never understood this sort of thing before, but one of the angels who worked in IT had wanted a book and he’d offered to get it for him.

The angel from IT was apparently lonely and bored. Heavenly IT, unlike Hellish IT, worked perfectly all of the time so there was nothing for him to really do. He’d sat in the bookshop talking to Aziraphale for some time, some considerable time by the sound of it. Aziraphale thought is was about two months.

As a result Aziraphale knew how Heaven’s systems worked inside out. Including the conferencing system. He thought that when the device had been knocked off the table it had probably hit a ‘speed dial’, which would have connected to the allocated ‘virtual room’ for the meeting room number. Once connected the call would have been recorded automatically, until the device was disconnected, and the recording would be easily retrievable by IT.

Hastur’s eyes had glazed at some point in the long explanation, but he perked up when he heard a recording could be obtained. “Gotta get that recording, it’ll be enough for me to get Ligur back betcha”.

Crowley was not so sure “even if you did shag her it’s only an audio recording - voices” he added when he saw blank looks. “You won’t be able to tell what’s happening, she’ll just deny it”.

Hastur’s grin looked very evil and he threw in a manic cackle for good measure, calming down to say “not when it’s a recording of her telling me she’s a slut and wants me to fuck her, reckon that should do it”.

The two turned to him looking shocked. Aziraphale blushed a deep pinky-red and felt the need to leave the shop for a minute or two. They heard what sounded very much like barely suppressed laughter coming from the back before he made a reappearance.

“You ok with this?” asked Crowley concerned “I mean she is an angel after all. Even if she is trying to take Gabriel down and, well, and asking Hastur to shag her” he finished up smirking.

Aziraphale said seriously “it was her with the holy water at the trial remember? She would have killed you, and conspiring against Gabriel, well it might be understandable not to like him, but angels can’t behave like that, she needs to be stopped”.

Hastur was triumphant. Aziraphale thought he wouldn’t have too much trouble getting a copy of the call, but he would need a few days, in the interim he suggested the two demons settle down for a nice cosy chat while he contacted his, well his contact.

The demons looked at each other and decided 'a nice cosy chat' wasn't an option either were prepared to explore further. Hastur went to look for a book and Crowley went out.


	10. Gabriel and Ligur, Ligur and Michael, Ligur and Uriel?? Surely not…..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ligur is back in heaven and missing his Hastur. Desperate to move things along he contrives an encounter with Gabriel.

Unaware of these developments Ligur was feeling glum. He had been so happy when he’d finally sorted things out with Hastur. The bastard had stabbed him good and proper, the blood oozed all over his white suit - bloody white suit. Literally bloody he thought and laughed.

The laughter quickly turned into sobs as he thought of his poor Hastur all alone again without a friend to turn to. He had to do something about this. Michael had shown herself up as eminently corruptible, all he had to do was keep stringing her along until he could get her in a compromising position in front of the other angels.

Unfortunately after the meeting she’d been avoiding him. He was sure it was because of Hastur. It was because he was a demon, and such a wonderfully obscene and sexy demon at that. Ligur suspected now that she’d only ever fancied him because he was a demon and now he wasn’t, well she’d just chase after another demon.

Why Hell had sent Hastur he didn’t know. If they’d sent Agares then everything would have been ok, no-one would want to shag Agares. It’s not that he was unattractive, he wasn’t bad looking all things considered, but he was as thick as two short planks, maybe even three. Even with an acknowledged demon kink Michael wouldn’t have wanted to shag him. She’d have to give him instructions every step of the way and even so he’d probably get it wrong.

He made sure to pass a note to Michael at the next choir practice and she agreed to meet him. Back in the stairwell this time. See she’d only shagged Hastur once and already he’d been relegated to the stairwell. All Michael had told him was that he needed to get back close to Gabriel, he was no use to her unless he did. Then she turned on her heel and walked out on him.

Demon-Ligur was seething, wanting to take her down a peg or two. If she thought telling Hastur she was as slut was embarrassing wait until he’d got her begging for it.

He didn’t think this was much of a threat, from what he’d sensed of Michael’s emotions the embarrassment had been well and truly overridden by lust. She’d probably enjoy it he thought sadly.

Maybe he should get her to beg and then just leave, let her suffer. Not that he’d have the chance if she kept wanting to meet in the bloody stairwell. He had to get Gabriel back.

He was still at a loss to understand why the archangel had refused to see him since his weird behaviour at the presentation. He obviously liked Ligur, liked him very much. He’d seen him out jogging too, having to stop for a ‘breather’, trying to disguise the bulge in his pants. Had he gone off him?

Angel-Ligur was also quite upset about his boss’s behaviour, he felt abandoned. Gabriel had been so nice to him for the first few weeks, now, not wanting to even see him, was really hurtful. Angel-Ligur felt tears forming.

Demon-Ligur looked on horrified, crying over the archangel fucking Gabriel. Stupid, sanctimonious, stuck-up prig, why should he care if he didn’t want to see him?

Demon-Ligur knew the answer, it was all for the greater bad. He needed to get close to Gabriel so he could get back in with Michael, so he could manage to humiliate Michael enough that Heaven either threw her out or sent her to the angelic equivalent of Outer-Mongolia, then he could curse God and all Her works and get himself chucked out back down to Hell where he deserved to be with Hastur.

His head whirled slightly at all this, why couldn’t there be a simple plan? He decided to wait for Gabriel at the park where he went jogging, maybe they could go jogging together and sort this out.

Gabriel was missing the new angel. He wasn’t sure why. He was surrounded by angels, saw them in meetings constantly, lectured them on how to keep in shape, how to work smarter not harder and so on. He still felt lonely in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

It might be the way his angel, the new angel, had always really listened to him, paid him so much attention, not because he had to, all the angels had to, but because he genuinely seemed to want to. Then there had been the ‘wrestling incident’ and he’d panicked. Quite honestly it was a shock to him.

He knew how human corporations worked in theory, he hadn’t been the messenger who had told Mary she was to bear the human incarnation of God’s son without learning a few things.

Boy had that gone down like a lead balloon. How was he to know that her fiancé was so jealous? It had taken a multitude of miracles to convince the man that he was really an angel, that this was really a holy ‘virgin birth’. He’d been all set to have the poor girl stoned to death for adultery. With him! Like an angel would ever, would ever. He stopped his thoughts here.

Gabriel had been doing quite a bit of reading, watching rather a lot of videos of late and he’d finally discovered what ‘pornography’ referred to. He thought he understood too why humans got embarrassed when buying it.

Still, a lot of it was very interesting and, after all, the Good Lord had said ‘go forth and multiply’. Although a lot of what went on in the pornography he’d been looking at would probably not result in much multiplication. He was fairly certain you needed a female somewhere in the process for that to happen.

When he rounded the corner of the running track he saw his angel stood there doing stretches. He was wearing those delightful shorts again. Gabriel could feel the swelling starting already. At least he thought he knew what to do this time.

Ligur had been pretending to do stretches for so long now he thought he might as well have just taken up that yoga thing Uriel had talked about. She seemed a big fan of yoga and for some reason seemed to want him to do it too. At least you got to stay in one place, unlike bloody jogging. He didn't think he had the flexibility for it so had so far resisted.

Ah, here was Gabriel. Time to stop stretching and act surprised to see him. Angel-Ligur was, of course, delighted to see Gabriel and told him so effusively.

Gabriel beamed at him. "Have you seen pornography?" He asked. Well, that was a blunt opening. Ligur, both Ligurs, were at a bit of a loss how to respond.

Gabriel continued "I have purchased pornography, would you like to watch some? With me I mean, we can both watch it. Together" at this point he winked at Ligur.

Demon-Ligur giggled somewhere in the background as angel-Ligur looked blankly at Gabriel, blinking maybe a bit too much. "Errr. Yes?" He answered, unsure of himself, but pleased that Gabriel seemed to want to spend time with him.

He followed Gabriel back up to Heaven and into his spacious office where a brand new black leather sofa and a television had been set up. Gabriel had a pile of DVDs with pictures of attractive looking men in various stages of undress. There was nothing that looked really hard-core, but you couldn't really tell from the cover.

Ligur wondered vaguely where he'd managed to get such a large collection from these days. Porn was mostly online now, DVDs seemed a but old fashioned. He certainly didn't appear to have a DVD player of any sort.

Gabriel looked through the titles, he was excited, he wanted to share his experience of the pornography with his new angel. He thought he would be interested just like he was.

Not sure how the discs worked he had just decided to transfer the contents onto the television via holy energy. It was possibly a frivolous use of miracles but he didn't want to have to ask anyone how it was meant to work, or do yet more research into it himself. There was only so much reading he was prepared to do.

He watched the new angel carefully as the images jumped onto the screen. This was one of his favourites, it involved sports and a big room where all the humans went afterwards to take their clothes off and get wet.

He liked it when they were under the water jets helping each other wash. They were very polite, even using their tongues and mouths to help with the washing process. They seemed to focus on the swollen part, which seemed to be a lot of fun judging by the noises they were making.

He'd like his new angel to do that to him. He thought maybe he could give him a hint "this is a human thing, but we could do it too. It's obviously very good for muscle tone, look how fit they all are" he stopped looking hopefully at his angel.

Ligur was confused. Gabriel had seemed to make porn appear on the TV without the use of a DVD player and started the disc part way through in the middle of a shower scene.

He agreed the men were very well muscled, but didn't think it had anything to do with blow jobs. Now he was looking at him with a weird, unreadable expression and wiggling his eyebrows.

Demon-Ligur sighed, angel-Ligur was pretty dumb at times. Gabriel quite obviously wanted him to suck his cock. Oh well, he was supposed to be getting close to him. Ligur moved so he was kneeling in front of him and tugged at his trousers.

This time there were no lilac boxer shorts, just a very large and very erect cock. Ligur breathed in, good God it was huge! He leaned forward and licked the tip, shutting down demon-Ligur's suggestion to bite.

Gabriel watched the other angel. His subtle hint had clearly worked. Oh boy he was looking forward to finding out what this felt like.

He nearly jumped when he felt the angel's tongue gently lap the tip of what he now knew was his erection. It was really sensitive and felt very good. He let his head fall back and groaned as he felt more licks up and down the length of his erection.

The angel's lips tightened around the tip then slowly he took the whole of it into his mouth. Gabriel's hips bucked forwards shoving hard into him, he reached for his head and grabbing a handful of hair pulled him up, then pushed himself back into his mouth. It felt really good.

It didn't take long before he felt the explosion again, waves of euphoria flowing through him as he pushed his angel down onto him. He finished and released his angel.

Looking down into eyes that were positively glowing a bright blue colour. Gabriel had a moment of panic, what would he do with the gunky stuff, cum he remembered, but he realised he must have swallowed it. The thought somehow made him shiver with pleasure. He wasn't sure what he was meant to do at this point. Should he offer to do the same back?

Ligur was surprised how quickly Gabriel had cum. Not that he was complaining. He was also worried that he would want to reciprocate on him. Ligur was not in the mood.

He was pissed off and fed up with the whole thing. He'd also decided he wanted to make a move on Michael as soon as possible and, even for a demon, cumming multiple times in a short space of time was hard work. He wasn't sure how it worked as an angel, but didn't want to take the chance.

Luckily Gabriel didn't seem to be making a move. Ligur stood and let angel-Ligur make some polite comments and excuse himself saying he had choir practice. He suggested they should meet up again and go jogging.

When he saw a look of hurt confusion on Gabriel's face he added "and maybe you can show me more of the pornography" which seemed to cheer him up. He then took his leave and went on a hunt to find Michael.

Michael was bored. She was pleased that Ligur seemed to be taking his job seriously now, going off to the park to wait for Gabriel. That was what he should be doing. She also wanted him to hurry up so she could take him back to the stationery cupboard.

This time it would be different. He was not going to get the upper hand. As she was thinking this she saw Ligur hastening past her office. He looked like he was in a hurry. She opened her door and waved him over.

"I'm due for choir practice in ten minutes" he said in a worried tone. Michael pursed her lips, he was being 'wet' again. She didn't want an angel worried about choir practice. 

Demon-Ligur shoved his useless angel persona aside. He pushed past Michael, striding into her office and leaning back against her desk. "What d'ya want doll?" He growled.

Michael shut the door sharply and turned to face him. "Firstly you will show me proper respect. I am the archangel Michael, not your 'doll' is that understood?" She glared at him angrily.

Ligur was taken aback, this wasn't the simpering little angel he'd been expecting. She looked really cross. It suited her. Well, if she wanted to play it this way it was fine by him.

"Yes ma'am!" He said giving her a mock salute. He was taken completely by surprise when he felt her grab his wrist in a tight grip, aided no doubt by her angelic powers. His arm was twisted behind his back and he found himself slammed hard down onto the desk.

"You will do exactly what I say or there will be consequences. Don't make me have to ask twice" she told him in a commanding tone, one that brooked no argument. Ligur winced with the pain, this was new.

Michael leaned down and spoke directly into his ear "do you understand?" Oh, so this is how she wanted to play it, this could be fun. Ligur felt himself getting hard at the thought.

"Yes ma'am" he said seriously this time. She loosened her hold, but still didn't let him up. Her other hand stroked his thigh, moving up to roughly grope his arse. Wow - she was really going for it.

He took advantage of the slightly looser hold to attempt to move and cried out as she twisted harder, pinning him down with holy energy. This time she hissed at him, a real menace in her voice, "don't even try it angel-boy, you're mine".

He was properly trapped and he knew she wouldn't hesitate to hurt him if he didn't submit. By now he was now fully hard and whimpered into the desk.

Michael felt good, really good. Exercising her powers, pinning him down like this so he was totally under her control, it was intoxicating. She resumed her groping enjoying the way he groaned at her touch.

He was pushing back into her hand so she pulled it back virtually shouting at him "you do not move unless I tell you. Is that understood" she punctuated the last words with some hard slaps on his arse. The last was hard enough to hurt and he made a half cut off shout of pain.

That felt good, so good. What should she get him to do now? "Undress" she barked at him releasing her hold. He stood and looked at her surprised and she narrowed her eyes daring him to disobey. He blinked at her then, without a word, began removing his clothing.

Michael sat up on the desk watching until he was totally naked. She looked him up and down, her eyes lingering on his fully erect cock. "On your knees, there" she pointed at a spot in the middle of the floor.

This was amazing, the power rush was going straight to her head and, as he knelt before her, she felt the warmth spreading straight down her core, settling between her legs.

She stood and pulled his head down to face the floor, then walked slowly around him, trailing her fingers across his back and shoulders, loving the way he stayed exactly as she'd posed him. She removed her trousers and her underwear and came back round to sit up on the desk.

"Don’t look up. Come closer" she instructed, as he started to rise to walk over she barked out "on your knees, crawl angel-boy". He hesitated for a second and then obeyed crawling slowly towards her.

Michael could feel bolts of lust shooting down inside. He was hers to direct, her toy and she was going to fully take advantage of him. Once he was right in front of her she stretched out her legs and rested her feet on his back. "Now tell me what happened with Gabriel".

Ligur was really starting to enjoy this, he was happy to play the submissive if that’s what she wanted. So long as he got a shag out of it eventually it was all good by him. He stayed on his hands and knees, head down, cock aching for attention as he gave his report.

He had no idea what her reaction was, didn't care. He finished up calling her 'ma'am' again and virtually heard her preening. He felt her feet removed from his back and she instructed him again.

"Sit back on your knees" he hastened to obey and gazed up at her, realising for the first time that she'd taken off her trousers. She put her feet up again, one on each of his shoulders looking down at his cock she smiled. "Want to fuck me do you?"

Ligur really did want to do exactly that, he answered "yes ma'am", but she shook her head. "You will attend to me first" he was confused for a second until she spread her legs and reached out grabbing his hair and pulling him towards her groin.

A wave of lust hit him as he poked his tongue out to taste her. She was very wet and tasted wonderful, he reached out to touch, to hold her open, but she shouted at him again. "Hands by your side angel-boy".

Oh fuck, this felt good. He continued licking and started sucking and kissing gently, her hand pulled him harder into her so he could hardly breathe. Luckily he didn't need to breathe so he let her control him, pushing him into her, moving his head up and round to hit exactly the right spot.

She was moaning now and he could tell she was close. His tongue worked quicker and quicker lapping against her clit. He heard the sharp cry she made as she came holding him still against her then pulling his head back to look into his eyes.

Michael sat, looking down at the docile figure, his face glistened as he smiled happily up at her. He was still fully erect and she considered just dismissing him from her office. Making him go on to choir practice in that state.

The thought gave her such a rush. He would go too, no matter how uncomfortable, how unsatisfied it would leave him, he would obey her. She grinned evilly at the thought of it, but changed her mind at the last minute.

"Lie down on your back" she demanded instead. He didn't hesitate. She stood and walked round him again, looking down at him, feeling the power rush, relishing it.

She rested one foot on his stomach, leaning a little weight behind it and hearing his surprised breath in. She moved her foot down until it just nudged his cock which twitched at the contact.

Beneath her Ligur growled. There was something about those growls, she suddenly very much wanted to feel him inside her. Resisting the urge she used her foot to gently flick his cock, when it rested back against his belly she placed her foot on top and again leant a little weight down on him.

His erection was pressed down onto him and he groaned, letting out a wave of pure lust. It was getting too much for Michael. She couldn't maintain her self restraint anymore.

Suddenly she lower herself, kneeling over him and took his cock in one hand, lining him up ready to enter her. Remembering last time she said "tell me you're a slut, ask me to fuck you".

Ligur's growl was deep and rumbling. For a moment she thought he wouldn't speak, but he did. Having extracted what she wanted she slid down onto him feeling his cock filling her. She began a steady rhythm up and down. 

Suddenly realising his hands were still firmly at his sides, as she'd instructed, she got another rush of power. She stopped, hovering over him with only his tip inside. He whined with desire, she could make him do anything now. "Hold my waist, pull me onto you" she instructed and he did.

He grabbed hard, maybe hard enough to bruise, and pulled her down violently and hit something inside of her that caused an intense ripple of pleasure to wash over her. "More, fuck me properly" she cried out.

Ligur was happy to oblige pulling her up and letting her slam back down hard onto him. He knew he wasn't going to last long and soon enough could feel himself cumming, he tried to hold her still, but she kept moving, crying out with disappointment when she realised he'd cum.

Michael dismounted, she used a miracle to clean herself up and dressed. "Can I get up ma'am" came a deep voice. She'd forgotten! "Yes, you'd better get to choir practice hadn't you?" Ligur got up and dressed quickly.

He turned in time to see Michael pulling a file towards her. She totally ignored him. He smirked as he reached the door. He'd rather enjoyed that, but next time it would be her naked on the floor. She wasn't going to get away with treating him like that every time, he really would get her to beg for him. He was looking forward to it.

He opened the door and found himself face to face with Uriel. If he didn't know better he'd say she'd been listening at the door. She looked a bit embarrassed and stood back to let him out.

As he walked away he turned to see Uriel was just stood there, watching him leave. They made eye contact and, just for a second, he thought he saw the start of a wink.

He looked away quickly and hurried off to choir practice. Not another one. What was going on? Did every angel in Heaven want him to shag them? He didn't think he could keep this up, taking down one angel was fine, but this was too much. He wanted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a bit of fun with this one…..didn’t see Michael being submissive for long!


	11. Beelzebub and Dagon, Beelzebub and Gabriel, and Ligur has had enough....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So things are finally coming to a head - Ligur is truly sick and tired of being an angel and Hastur has his recording. Hopefully the evil-ish plan will work!
> 
> We also have the first encounter between a small Lord of Hell and a certain Archangel…..

Since Dagon had told Beelzebub she liked her their relationship had changed ever so slightly. They still worked in separate offices, it was just that Dagon’s separate office had been moved very close to Beelzebub’s.

They also seemed to have to spend a lot of time ’in conference’ and both seemed to smile more. The other demons had noticed, but they knew that any attempt to pry into the affairs of senior demons would get them in serious trouble. Therefore, they only talked about is in hushed tones when they knew the two were occupied in a ‘conference’ together.

Paradoxically this new gossip had livened the demons up enough to actually start working again. They had to have an excuse to move between offices, see other demons, speculate about what was happening behind the closed door of Beelzebub’s office.

They had to have an excuse to see Beelzebub’s secretary as often as possible to get the latest on what they had decided was an ‘inappropriate’ relationship. Not that this was a bad things, demons were meant to be inappropriate. The imbalance of power between Dagon and Beelzebub made it all the more salacious. The demons were returning to work and looking happier already.

Beelzebub had noticed a sudden up-tick in productivity and felt happy. She was also seeing more of Dagon, which also made her happy. Theirs was not, despite popular and optimistic gossip, a sexual relationship. It was more about companionship, almost friendship - although demons weren’t meant to be friendly, it was too close to being ‘nice’.

They did spend more time with each other and occasionally hugged and held hands. When very drunk they’d even been known to curl up together and plan the latest strategy for how to win the war. It was a cosy relationship, without any of the human mess that Hastur and Ligur felt the need to create.

Thinking about the two demons Beelzebub had a moment’s qualm. She’d finally got one of Ligur’s reports out of Agares and it made interesting reading. It was fairly clear that Ligur was starting to make progress, equally it was clear that he wasn’t making the right sort of progress.

The subterfuge of bringing the barely competent Gabriel down was working too well and the actual aim of discrediting Michael wasn’t working well enough. They needed Michael to get caught, they needed evidence. She sighed picking up Agares’ latest report. Apparently Ligur wanted a meeting, wanted out. This was not acceptable.

She wrote a terse line and summoned Agares to her office, literally summoned, the demon appeared to be in a state of undress which confused Beelzebub. Surely no-one in their right mind would want any sort of relationship with Agares that involved him removing his clothes?

She was surprised he’d got them off actually, she knew what Agares was like and was impressed that he’d managed to undo his buttons without injuring himself. Banishing that line of thought for fear it may expand itself to include details of why he was undoing those buttons, she gave Agares the answer to Ligur’s request and told him to put the note in the dead-drop immediately.

She went back to the files. There were the usual reports, full of crossings out, blotches where pens had leaked or worse, illegible lines where pens had run out and the demon had tried to untidily write over the half faded ink with a new pen. Why did nothing work properly in Hell?

They’d tried typewriters when they were a new thing: the keys had jammed together, the shunt had stopped working so they over-typed the same line, Agares had even managed to sever a finger trying to replace the ribbon. They’d given up on typewriters. Then came word processors, then computers, then tablets - none had worked how they should do.

Data was input and lost or corrupted. Heaven hacked their network. Wifi signals were unreliable and didn’t work at all in some areas, so the whole of Hell was cross-crossed with ethernet cables those, and the power cables everywhere, tripped unwary demons, pulled computers off desks and occasionally shorted the entire of the electrics plunging them into darkness.

The printers were constantly jammed, quite often caught fire, printed on A3 instead of A4 or vice versa and were always out of toner. They’d given up and gone back to paper files. As least they didn’t catch fire, well only occasionally and that was usually Hastur.

The door slammed open and an angel burst into the office glowing with righteous anger. Beelzebub leapt into a defensive stance hell-fire starting to glow around her as she prepared to fight her attacker. Then she recognised Ligur and sighed, resuming her seat and pulling the file back over. “Go away” she said.

Ligur was still glowing and shouted out “I’m not going back up there, they’re all sex mad, I’ll be worn out, I gotta get out”. Beelzebub looked up surprised at the fear in his voice. She thought it was a bit rich that Ligur was complaining about entities being over-sexed considering his relationship with Hastur. Demons everywhere had learned to carefully listen at any door before opening it, unless they wanted to be confronted by the rutting pair. No cupboard was safe, they even utilised the lecture theatre and, on one memorable occasion, attempted it on the down escalator into Hell.

Beelzebub sighed “there is no proof, your mission is not complete until Michael is neutralised. Go. Away” slamming the file down onto the desk to emphasis the point. Ligur stood there, not knowing what to do. Demon-Ligur was screaming at him to burn the whole place down, which he knew was an impossibility. Angel-Ligur was telling him that he needed to be calm and reason with Beelzebub, but couldn’t come up with any useful way to start this conversation.

Although angel-Ligur was doing his best, he had had an uphill struggle with this particular entity. The demonic parts of his personality seemed to be holding on with impressive tenacity. It was a real fight. The internal struggle showed on his face and Beelzebub watched with interest as he flitted through a range of different expressions.

“Look, can’t we just sit down and talk about this sensibly?” he finally managed. Beelzebub blinked at the entity in front of her, that had not been very demonic. It was almost like an angel talking. Uh-oh maybe it was time to think about pulling him out, if he carried on like this he might really want to stay and that would never do.

Time for some threats she thought, that ought to keep the bastard in line. “No, we will not talk about it, thizz izz your job. I may not be able to punish you while you’re up with the, the, opposition, but if you fail at your job then someone will suffer and I think we both know who that will be. Izz that understood?” She glared at him, cracking her knuckles to really bring home the point.

Angel-Ligur was startled, his poor Hastur, she was threatening him, he needed to withdraw now. Demon-Ligur thought Hastur could bloody well look after himself and leapt over the desk grabbing Beelzebub by the collar and slamming her back against the chair.

Or at least that had been the plan. In reality he’d got half-way across the desk and then somehow found himself flying backwards and hitting the opposite wall, sliding down it to rest on the floor, his angelic white suit now covered in Hellish mud.

The small demon smiled. That had been a demonic reaction, the old Ligur was still there. Good, that meant she could send him back upstairs with no qualms. She stood, walking over to him and aiming a kick at the prone figure. “Get back to work now” she hissed at him. The angel carefully stood, again there were a few moments where different expressions crossed his face before his shoulders slumped and he turned to the door.

The door slammed open and a demon burst into the office gloomy with unrighteous anger. Beelzebub didn’t bother taking a defensive stance this time, nor with summoning hell-fire. “Piss off Hastur” she said deliberately turning her back on the demon and walking back her desk.

When she was seated she looked up and was surprised to see both the angel and the demon still there. A frown creased her brow, she didn’t really want to dish out punishments at the moment. Her workforce were, even with the improved productivity, still at only half efficiency and she was down one Duke already. The last think she needed was to have to take another out by sending him down to the pits.

Hastur was grinning. That was unsettling in and of itself. The expression looked odd on him, he wasn’t built to be cheerful, or at least not cheerful for any good reason. He should only look happy if something horrible was happening to someone, preferably as a result of something he was doing to them.

Despite her initial annoyance she was intrigued and raised an eyebrow at Hastur. He grinned back and took something out of his pocket. It was small and plastic. She had literally no idea what it was. Hastur tried to give it to her, she wasn’t taking strange objects off other demons, it could be a weapon of some sort, or a very small bomb.

Hastur looked disappointed. “What izz that?” she asked. “Recording” he answered as if this explained things. Beelzebub was on the verge of ordering them both down to the pits, whether or not she had the power to do so, when Hastur explained what he meant.

Beelzebub gave a rare smile. Thinking she’d better double-check she asked “tell me again what she said? The bit about Gabriel” Hastur frowned, he thought the best bit was when she’d asked him to shag her, he’d really enjoyed that bit, but he was prepared to repeat the boring bit about the plot against Gabriel. Beelzebub clearly had her priorities wrong but she was his boss after all.

“She said ‘just find a way to get Gabriel out of the equation, I don’t care what it takes’ that’s it, but she said she was a slut too, wanted me to shag her, really wanted it. Dirty angel” he leered, hoping to get the conversation back to the interesting bit.

“Right, give me the recording thing now and leave the rest to me. You may consider this mission over” she said waving a hand to dismiss the pair of them. Hastur took Ligur’s hand and led him out of the office.

Beelzebub looked at the USB stick still not knowing what it was. Hastur had said you needed a ‘laptop’ to plug it into, she wasn’t sure how that worked. He’d then told her it was a type of computer, which didn’t help as Hell didn’t have any computers of any type. Nonetheless she was willing to bet that Gabriel would have one. He might need to get one of the other angels to show him how it worked, but he would certainly have access to one. He liked shiny things.

She picked up the telephone and dialled his number, literally dialled as Hell’s telephones were still of the old rotary type. At least they’d finally managed to get an automated exchange working. She told Gabriel they had to meet in her office asap, specifying he should bring a ‘laptop’ type of computer. He was puzzled but agreed.

Beelzebub paced up and down impatiently. Her idea of asap was clearly a little different from Gabriel’s. When he finally turned up he had Michael in tow. This could be fun she thought. They had a ‘laptop’ which Michael set up on the desk for her and took the USB stick putting it in a slot in the side, she then clicked away at it before the recording started playing.

At first it was a little confused, but then the voices could be clearly made out. Michael lunged at the computer in an attempt to switch it off. Gabriel held onto her, a frown marring his otherwise angelic features.

Beelzebub watched them carefully, she’d never noticed how Gabriel’s eyes shone before, they really were an unusual colour, so pretty. Michael was turning redder and redder, trying to talk over the recording, explain away the content, she’d been coerced, it wasn’t her fault, it must be some sort of demonic trick.

She tailed off as her voice came clear and calm telling the demon and undercover angel that she didn’t care what it took to get Gabriel out of the equation. The recording ended. Beelzebub watched with admiration as the cloud of anger fully descended on Gabriel. He turned a slightly purple colour and grabbed Michael’s arm, spinning her round to face him.

Even Beelzebub was shocked at some of the language Gabriel used to berate the other angel. He finished up with “we aren’t done yet, by the time I’m through with you you’ll wish you had fallen. Hell would be preferable to what I’m going to do to you believe me!” There was such an evil glint in his eye, he looked terrific, literally terrifying, Beelzebub felt herself swoon.

Michael was dismissed, but Gabriel remained, still looking beautifully angry. He turned to Beelzebub, still slightly purple and breathless from his tirade at the other angel. He looked like he didn’t know what to say, but then blanched and seemed to come over faint. 

Beelzebub was concerned and used a demonic miracle to make a chair appear behind him, just in time as he fell backwards onto it. She stood and walked over to him, feeling slightly concerned “what’s the matter?” She asked. Gabriel looked up at her with horror in his eyes.

“The new angel, he’s, he’s one of yours? A demon?” he asked in a hushed voice with an edge of calm to it that Beelzebub didn’t trust in the slightest. It was exactly the sort of calm she used before discorporating someone. “Yezz and no. He is an angel, but only until we allow him to fall. He izz still loyal to Hell”. Unexpectedly Gabriel burst into tears.

Beelzebub had no idea what to do, this was the second time in just a few days that someone had burst into tears in her office. She was starting to get disconcerted by it. Tears were a sign of misery and that was a good thing, but she didn’t want to have to deal with them personally.

She put an arm awkwardly round Gabriel’s broad shoulders. She noticed that they were very broad, and under his suit she could feel some quite impressive muscles. The small demon wondered vaguely what he looked like under that suit, absent mindedly patting him on the back.

Gabriel looked up at the contact, directly into the concerned face of his arch-enemy. Despite the dark hair her eyes were pale, the swarm of flies had expanded to surround both of them and something in their buzzing soothed him.

He was in shock, he had just discovered his new angel, the only angel who he felt had ever really ‘got him’ was a traitor. As he thought that the tears started again and he grabbed onto the small figure before him crushing his face into her jacket, his arms wrapping around her small frame. “I thought he liked me. He liked jogging, he watched the pornography with me, he was learning the harp” he wailed.

Beelzebub wasn’t sure what to do, she put her other arm awkwardly round the archangel stroking his hair. As she did so her demonic instinct kicked in slightly and she pulled her hand back whacking him hard round the back of the head. “Stop thizz. It izzzz unbecoming” she said, unable to stop the buzzing taking over. Gabriel looked up at her, tears filming his pretty lilac eyes, which were starting to look red and puffy. 

He started wailing again pushing his head closer into her breast. Beelzebub sighed petulantly, this would never do. She grabbed his hair pulling his head back hard and leaned into his face shouting “shut your stupid mouth”. Gabriel kissed her.

Beelzebub was so shocked that she didn’t react to begin with, then she kissed him back. Then she remembered who he was and yanked hard on his hair to disengage him. “I am a Lord of Hell, you dare show me such dizzzrespect? Do you not know how dangerouzzz I am”. Gabriel looked at her, utterly stunned for a second, then he fell to his knees, grabbing her round the legs and mumbling into her “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I’ll do whatever you want”.

This was too good an opportunity to resist. Beelzebub liked grovelling, she especially liked grovelling from someone she found attractive. She remembered what he’d said. An invitation to a demon to do ‘whatever you want’ was a dangerous thing to give.

Kneeing Gabriel in the face to disentangle herself she smiled as he fell onto the floor, making no move to get up. “Take off your clothes” she instructed, looking down at him dispassionately. She really was curious to see what he looked like under those clothes.

To her surprise he didn’t argue, he simply started undressing a docile expression on his face. She sighed, he really was very attractive, his stomach was flat and his muscles rippled in a most attractive way as he pulled his half unbuttoned shirt up over his head.

Before he could fully take it off Beelzebub grabbed his arms holding him steady, the fabric restricting his arms, holding them above his head and covering his face. “Don’t move” she instructed him and was delighted to feel him freeze. She trailed one hand down his chest and across that beautifully flat stomach reaching the band of his trousers. He gave a sharp breath in, but didn’t move, allowing her to stroke back up his chest and flick her nail across his nipple.

His breathing had got faster and Beelzebub was happy to see a rather large bulge forming in his pants. She undid the button on his trousers and pulled the zipper down. Gabriel groaned, his arms starting to fall back down.

The demon immediately removed her hand. “You do what I zzay or there will be trouble” she warned him in a low voice. His arms were immediately pulled back up into position. She returned her attentions to his trousers, reaching inside to feel a very large, very hard cock. She freed it from his clothing and then sat on the chair to enjoy the view.

After a few seconds of kneeling with his arms trapped above his head and his cock out on display Gabriel was getting a bit confused. He wasn’t sure if she wanted him to stay still. He didn’t want to move in case this displeased her, but he was starting to feel somewhat exposed. He couldn’t see what she was doing, she could be anywhere, doing anything. His cock twitched at the thought of it and he ached for her to touch him.

As he was thinking this he felt her hand back stroking his chest, this time her nails dug in slightly sending shivers down his body. If only she’d press harder, he wanted to feel her power over him. He tried to lean forwards into the contact, but the hand was immediately withdrawn.

“You muzzt learn some manners” said the buzzing voice. “Continue to undress”. He finished taking his shirt off, blinking in the light and looking up to see Beelzebub sat on the chair, her legs not quite reaching the floor. He had a sudden urge to pick up one of her small feet and kiss it. As he moved towards her she kicked hard and he felt the pain in his chest. That was good.

“I’m sorry Lord Beelzebub” he said pulling back to his previous position and attempting to remove his trousers while still knelt down. Beelzebub sighed, he really wasn’t that bright was he? “You may stand to remove your clothing, then back on your knees” she instructed.

He obeyed standing and quickly removing the rest of his clothes. His thighs were smooth and firm, the outline of taught muscles drawing her eye. As he took off his boxer shorts she saw his perfect arse and longed to bite it as hard as she could. He resumed his kneeling position, his cock fully erect and swaying slightly at the movement.

She looked him up and down admiring his body. What to do with him now, that was the question. She could leave him like that, an ornament for her to admire while she worked, but she wanted to do a bit more than that first. She was a demon, he was an archangel, although she was powerful he was probably more so, but he either didn’t realise it or didn’t care. He was also holy and good and pure. If she’d enjoyed Michael’s humiliation how much more would she enjoy Gabriel’s?

“Hands and knees now” she instructed him. He looked confused for a second and she wondered if she would have to explain what she meant, but no, he scrambled into position. She walked round behind him and slapped him hard on the backside, he cried out at the unexpected pain and she told him to shut up again enjoying the half suppressed moan her words elicited.

She considered her next move. Miracling up a small butt plug she trailed a finger along his crack hearing another moan. Pulling her hand back she slapped again “how many times do I have to tell you? Be quiet”, he moaned again, quickly cutting it off when he remembered he was meant to be being quiet.

Beelzebub snapped her fingers and Gabriel felt something pushed into his mouth and a strap fastening itself behind his head. The strap tightened and his mouth was forced open and filled with a ball that tasted of rubber. He tried to speak and found that he couldn’t. Then he felt something slick and slightly cool running down the crack of his arse. “You will learn zzome mannerzz” droned the voice above him and he felt his cock twitching, hot and hard, desperate for attention.

The next thing he felt was something pushing at his backside, pushing between his buttocks and sliding into him. It was a little uncomfortable and he clenched against it. “Relax or thizz will hurt” came the instruction and he tried to obey.

He remembered from the pornography he’d watched that inserting things into each other was something the humans seemed to enjoy, maybe he would enjoy it too. As he relaxed he felt the pressure again, it felt too large to fit and he nearly panicked and clenched up again, but he remembered his instructions and tried to relax. It seemed the object tapered off somewhat and, as it pushed past the widest point, he was relieved, it seemed to fit very well. It felt slightly strange, but not unpleasant. In fact it was rather pleasant.

He saw Beelzebub walk back round to face him. Something was keeping the device inside him and he squirmed slightly to make sure it wasn’t going to fall out. The demon frowned down at him and held up a small device with a dial on it. As she turned it he felt a movement inside him and nearly fell onto the floor from the shock of it, shouting into the gag. Beelzebub smiled at him.

“Head down, look at the floor” she told him and he did as he was bid, the buzzing of her flies had tuned into the buzzing frequency of the thing inside him. He heard her walking away and had a moment of panic, she couldn’t just leave him like this could she? Then he felt the vibrations pick up speed and groaned again into the gag. This felt really good.

The thought of the small demon sat at her desk while he was so exposed, his body on display, his erection clear for her to see was almost too much for him. The vibrations inside seemed to be doing something to him as well, this felt really good.

She instructed him again “sit back on your knees” he knelt up looking at her and felt the vibrations stop. “eyes to the floor!” she shouted at him and he put his head down gluing his eyes to a spot on Hell’s damp floor.

The vibrations started again “you may touch yourself” came the instruction. He really didn’t know what she meant and gingerly put one hand on his chest not daring to look up and unable to ask for clarification.

”No you idiot, touch your cock, wank for me” he understood where he was meant to be touching now, but he didn’t understand the rest of her instruction. He took hold of his cock with both hands and sat going slightly red in the face, not knowing what was expected of him.

In a softer voice Beelzebub told him “move it up and down”. He really was an idiot, either that or he’d never done this before. She suddenly realised that, as a good and pure archangel, he probably had never done this before. Probably not done anything other than the stuff in Ligur’s report. This was going to be fun.

She watched as the archangel wanked himself in front of her. She turned the vibrations right up and enjoyed the startled jump he gave. He didn’t make many more strokes before he had cum. She sighed, that was a disappointment, it looked like she was going to have to spend some time teaching her new toy some self-restraint.

He looked up at her again and she barked at him “head down, hands by your side, you are not to move, nod if you understand”. He nodded and squirmed slightly as his cum ran down his stomach and pooled between his knees, he looked down at his softening cock and the pool of cum. He was a thoroughly degraded angel. The thought excited him.

Beelzebub decided to leave him there for a while, enjoy the view. At this point the door flew open again, this time it was Dagon who looked at Beelzebub and then at Gabriel and screeched with laughter. Gabriel looked up and she could see the panic in his eyes. Deciding not to embarrass him further Beelzebub snapped her fingers.

Gabriel found himself ungagged and dressed again. He looked at Beelzebub who nodded at him and he stood up, only realising as he did so that the device was still inside of him. As his hand flew back to remove it he saw Beelzebub frown at him and he froze.

“You will not remove that until I give you permizzzion” she buzzed at him. He felt himself go weak at the knees. This meant she wasn’t finished with him yet. The thought gave him a warm feeling inside. Beelzebub then handed him the USB stick and told him to go. She would contact him when she wanted him. 

Dagon looked incredibly curious and he blushed again remembering how she’d seen him. This was awful, being caught out like that, so embarrassing. If any of the angels got to hear about it he didn’t know how he would cope.

He suddenly had an idea that was far too evil for an archangel to have thought of. He squinted at Beelzebub, had she somehow implanted it into his brain? She wasn’t even looking at him, maybe he had thought of it all by himself. He grinned. He had no intention of letting Michael fall for her misdemeanour, but he needed to teach her a lesson to ensure she could never again be seen as a credible threat to his leadership.

He’d never heard of a ‘sex tape’ but if he had then that was what he’d have called this. He decided that, without the bit at the end where Michael revealed she was plotting with Hell against him, the recording of her with the two demons, one demon one (temporary) angel he corrected himself, would be just the sort of thing to undermine her credibility with the other angels. It would also be highly embarrassing for her which would amuse him no end.

With that thought he happily flew back up to Heaven with the USB device. He’d have to get Uriel to show him how to use it, and maybe if he accidentally left her unattended then the recording would mysteriously find it’s way around Heaven without him having to lift a finger. He couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again this was a bit of a laugh to write - hope no-one minds the silliness, I have tried at least to keep the characters true-ish to fan traditions…. not really canon but the relationships have mostly been established elsewhere beforehand so hopefully not too weird.


	12. Happy Endings All Round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly as it says - all the lose ends tied up and all the demons/angels back where they belong….Everyone is happy, well apart from Eric!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tied it all off in one chapter - this still feels like an exercise in silliness but it was quite entertaining to write and the important thing is Hastur and Ligur are back as the bestest demon couple ever :)

Hastur let go of Ligur’s hand as soon as they got out of Beelzebub’s office. He turned to face him, pulled back his arm and hit him squarely in the face. Ligur crumpled up clutching his now broken nose. “You bastard” he managed to gasp out. “That’s only the start of it. I told ya I was going to get you” Hastur said grinning happily. “Now we gotta get you to fall”.

Angel-Ligur was horrified, but demon-Ligur overruled him. “Lets go kill something” he said equally happily. In the end they didn’t actually kill anyone, but they did set fire to a big French cathedral. Standing back admiring their work Ligur felt something change.

Angel-Ligur started screaming from somewhere inside of him as the grace was ripped from his body. Demon-Ligur sniggered. As he felt the last of angel-Ligur disappearing from within him and breathed a sigh of relief a bit of paper fluttered down towards him. He plucked it out of the air and was surprised to find it was a P45 confirming he had ceased to be in the employ of Heaven. Well, that was a little different from last time. Much better though.

Hastur grabbed the bit of paper and ate it, then grinned at him. Ligur - now demon-Ligur forever - didn’t trust that look and grew out his claws. They both spread wings of pure black and flew up into the ether ready to begin what was likely to be a long fight.

Both were looking forward to it and, even more so, looking forward to the long session of mutual healing and grooming they would have afterwards. Together again both demons smiled wild, dangerous smiles filled with menace and maybe, just maybe, a hint of love.

….………….

Michael couldn’t understand it. After Gabriel had heard the recording, heard her treachery, she had been expecting something awful to happen. Gabriel was certainly not going to let her get away with that. He might not be the brightest star in the sky but he was vindictive. Instead she’d seen nothing of him for weeks.

As expected she was no longer a member of Heaven’s various planning committees and had been relegated to a relatively junior position coordinating the Heavenly choirs. It could have been much worse though and she was puzzled by how lightly she seemed to have got off.

The only thing that was confusing her slightly was how some of the other angels were acting around her. She would catch them looking at her but they would look away as soon as she turned. They were whispering behind her back and sometimes she was sure she was being pointed out to others of the lower angels. It was disconcerting.

One day in choir practise she heard a couple of the angels sniggering to each other and rebuked them. They grinned at her and she was sure one mouthed the word ‘slut’. She was horrified. Gabriel wouldn’t have told anyone about what had happened would he?

No-one else could have heard that recording, Gabriel wouldn’t even know how to play it. Unless he’d asked someone….yes, unless he’d asked another angel. Michael pursed her lips, scowling at the junior choir members. They shut up and turned their attentions back to the music sheets. Even if they were prepared to snigger at her behind her back they knew better than to disrespect her to her face.

After choir practise she headed off to talk to Gabriel. She couldn’t find him so settled for talking to Uriel. The conversation was a little awkward to say the least. Uriel looked blankly at Michael when she’d casually mentioned Gabriel may have asked her for help with a recording and she was wondering what had happened to it. Michael didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t be more explicit.

Uriel suddenly laughed. It was a very pretty, musical sounding laugh, but that didn’t reassure Michael. She glared at Uriel who said “we’ve all heard it you know”. Michael was horrified. Some of that must have shown on her face as Uriel looked a little guilty.

“It’s ok really, I mean it is quite funny” at this she couldn’t help but grin and Michael blushed a deep crimson colour. Uriel continued curiously “what’s it like? With a demon I mean. Does he have any friends?” Michael ran from the room.

….…….

There came a knock on the bookshop door. Aziraphale sighed deeply and shouted “we’re closed” at the locked door. The door didn’t stay locked for long. In fact it didn’t stay a door for long, turning rapidly into a pile of ashes with the onslaught of hell-fire.

The angel was alarmed until he saw that it was just Hastur, looking very pleased with himself. He nodded at the angel and walked into the shop, nonchalantly snapping his fingers to repair the door. He was accompanied by a second demon, Aziraphale noted disapprovingly.

“...and who is your friend Duke Hastur?” he asked crossly. He didn’t mind entertaining but would rather he was at least introduced before guests wandered into his bookshop. The other demon scowled “we ain’t friends, he’s spent the last week trying to discorporate me!” he growled.

Hastur still beamed happily “what do you mean trying?” He turned to the angel and said “this is that evil bastard Duke Ligur, thought you might want to meet him”. The angel was wary, if a demon introduces someone as an ‘evil bastard’ it probably paid to be careful. However, he was a naturally polite angel and so invited them in for tea.

Hastur started getting undressed motioning to Ligur to do so too and looking expectantly at Aziraphale. “Well, you going to miracle up some more of them robes then?” he asked. The angel was confused and said ‘no’ hastily amending his answer when he realised this hadn’t stopped the demons from undressing. 

“I think you should keep your clothes on this time, don’t you?” he asked, concerned. Hastur shrugged and re-dressed himself “dunno why, every other time I come here you got me to strip. I thought you liked it”. He sounded sulky and Aziraphale was about to reassure him that he did like it, but then thought that would give the wrong message entirely. He was at a bit of a loss.

Luckily Crowley turned up at this point, also looking pleased with himself. He looked less pleased when he saw who was there. “Thought you’d got what you wanted” he asked pointedly looking at Hastur who answered “yup, he’s right here” indicating Ligur who shuffled uncomfortably. The last time he’d been anywhere near Crowley something not very nice had happened. Obviously the same thought crossed the other demon’s mind as he stepped back mumbling “well, no hard feelings eh?” in a hopeful voice.

Ligur scowled “oughta discorporate you, you little bastard”, but then smiled so Crowley relaxed a little. He continued “holy water! That was really evil, must have taken some guts to handle that stuff. You was acting almost like a proper demon” he sounded begrudgingly respectful. Crowley preened.

Aziraphale returned with a tea tray and set it on the table. All three demons looked disdainfully at the pot. “Can’t we have wine?” Asked Crowley. The angel looked doubtful. “I don’t know how much I’ve got left”. Crowley grinned “use a miracle - turning tea into wine, that’s exactly the sort of thing your lot do isn’t it?” 

The demons all sniggered and Aziraphale looked shocked. “I don’t think that would be quite appropriate”. The others looked so put out that he offered to wander round to the off-licence on the corner and get some more wine. He first warned the demons in no uncertain terms to be careful and whatever they did not to let any customers in.

When he came back with two bags full of wine bottles he found the demons talking animatedly. They stopped when he opened the door, which he thought a little suspicious. However, being a polite angel, instead of questioning them he went to fetch some glasses. He poured out four glasses of wine and was about to drink when Crowley cleared his throat. As this was a completely unnecessary thing for a demon to do it got Aziraphale’s attention.

“Angel, I want to ask you something” Crowley said nervously. The Angel looked at him quizzically and he cleared his throat again. The demon looked round the table, picked his glass up and drank the whole contents off in one before continuing. “You know humans have like…. like a ceremony where they make a relationship official, with rings and stuff”. The angel was confused but nodded.

At this point Crowley pulled a small box out of his pocket and opened it, it contained a ring shaped like a coiled snake with glittering stones along it’s body. “I got this, I’d err, maybe we could, y’know, will you?” He ground to a halt looking expectantly at the angel. Aziraphale blushed and nodded and Crowley slid the ring onto his figure, the size miraculously adjusting to fit.

The other two demons raised their glasses and drank a solemn toast to the happy couple. Then Hastur spoiled it by making retching noises, pretending to be sick. Ligur punched his arm hard causing Aziraphale to wince, that must have hurt. He seemed to mean it affectionately though as the demons were soon kissing. Not to be outdone Crowley pulled Aziraphale over for a kiss of their own.

….…….

Michael was surprised to receive a summons to Gabriel’s office. She had some reservations, but didn’t feel like she could refuse. He was stood, hands behind his back, looking smug, as usual. “Ah Michael, just the angel I wanted to see” he said breezily.

Considering he’d asked her to come here she thought is was a particularly silly remark. He carried on “seeing as we all know how much you like demons” at this point he winked and Michael flushed “I’ve decided that you should continue to be our liaison with Hell”.

This seemed to be good news. It would be an excuse to get out of Heaven, where she was starting to get fed up of the other angels sniggering behind her back. Also, she badly wanted to see Ligur again. Now he was back as a demon she was almost desperate to see him.

She wondered whether she would still be able to overpower him, or if it would be like the time in the conference room. The thought came to her that he might bring Hastur along again and the prospect of being alone with two demons made her warm inside. Gabriel gave her details of the meeting place and dismissed her.

The abandoned warehouse was cold and damp. Michael had been hanging around the old foreman’s office waiting for her contact for well over an hour now. She supposed that Ligur was getting his own back for her treatment of him in her office. She was still looking forward to seeing him. Hearing the doors creaking open she waited impatiently. Suddenly there was a loud crash and she rushed out to see what it was.

Accompanied by a crocodile was a strange demon with one foot stuck in the metal staircase seemingly unable to move. Michael sighed with disappointment, Hell had sent someone else. Agares looked up and saw a glowing angel glaring down at him a scowl on her pretty face.

He grinned up at her. “I’m stuck” he explained pointing down at his foot, twisted under the step in front of him. “Stupid demon” shouted the angel crossly. For some reason being insulted by the angel made him happy and he continued grinning at her.

Michael had no intention of physically helping the demon get unstuck, but she did shout instructions to him so he twisted his foot back 90 degrees and freed it from the stairs. She turned and walked back up to the office, only realising that the demon wasn’t following as she got to the door.

“Up here now” she yelled at him, pointing to the landing where she stood. The demon bounded up the stairs, tripped on the top one and came to land by her feet, still gazing at her with that stupid smile on his face. Come to think about it, it wasn’t an unattractive face.

Michael dismissed this thought and instructed the demon again “get up you useless git, inside now!” She had sounded much angrier than she’d intended and looked anxiously at the new demon. She was going to have to work with him after all she didn’t want him sulking and refusing to talk to her. As she looked at him she was reassured. He still had a soppy smile on his face as he followed her instruction and closed the door behind him. Michael preened, she liked being obeyed.

Agares was delighted with his new assignment. He got to cavort with an angel! He’d heard, of course, about what Hastur and Ligur had been up to with this particular angel and was looking forward to his turn. He hadn’t expected her to be so pretty though, and so demanding. It was so much easier when someone took the lead and told him what to do. It got around all that difficult thinking stuff he was so bad at. He looked expectantly at the angel, what would she tell him to do next he wondered. He was looking forward to finding out.

….………

Hastur and Ligur had been lurking outside the warehouse for a couple of hours now. They’d seen Agares turn up, late as usual, and heard the crash as he’d fallen over. They sniggered together wondering what Michael would make of her new contact. They hoped she was getting really frustrated by now.

Unable to resist any longer they decided to go and look for themselves. Once inside the warehouse they couldn’t see the pair, but heard Michael shouting from upstairs: “useless demon, you don’t listen do you? Get over here”. It sounded like he was really pissing her off. This would be funny. The pair headed upstairs to look for themselves.

What they found inside the office was a little different from what they expected. Agares was on his hands and knees, crawling around the room, he was also naked. As they carefully opened the door they heard him saying “yes Miss Angel, whatever you say Miss Angel, you’re so beautiful Miss Angel” as he turned and headed back in Michael’s direction.

Michael was sat up on the desk, her clothes in some disarray and a big smile on her face as she watched the naked demon crawling towards her. “You really are pathetic aren’t you” she said and Agares answered with a big happy smile on his face “yes Miss Angel”. Hastur and Ligur backed out of the office not wishing to see any more.

….……….

Down in Hell Gabriel was learning all sorts of things about human corporations and what you could do with them. The buzzing thing Beelzebub had fitted the first time had only been the start of it. There appeared to be a whole range of such things, some bigger than others, as well as a whole lot of other things Beelzebub would insert or restrain him with.

He’d had a few ‘lessons’ in how to behave and now understood her instructions pretty well. He knew to obey too if he didn’t want her to leave him in an awkward position, unattended and ignored, or even worse would get him to bend over he desk and whack him painfully across the backside with various paddles, canes or whips.

For some reason what should have been unpleasant punishments seemed to make his cock twitch and swell. He even started to get a thrill out of the occasions Dagon managed to walk in unannounced. On one such occasion Beelzebub had even delegated his punishment to the other demons and sat at her desk watching it being administered.

Beelzebub was enjoying training her new toy. He was just disobedient enough for her to have an excuse to administer frequent physical punishments. He was also obedient enough to keep her entertained. Having an archangel, The Archangel, crawling at her feet a plug in his butt and a gag in his mouth made her very happy.

….…….

Eric, alone of the demons, was not happy. He’d been sent to deliver a file to Beelzebub and managed to walk in on one of her ‘conference’ sessions with the opposition. This particular conference seemed to involve his boss using a large strap-on to fuck her opposite number. His cries muted by a multicoloured ball gag. Eric had also noted the cane on the desk and the red welts on the archangel’s thighs. Not what he wanted to see.

He had retreated from the office as quickly as he could and made for one of the unoccupied meeting rooms nearest the front-entrance to recover. Unfortunately the meeting room hadn’t been as unoccupied as he’d thought, but as it was a liaison meeting with Heaven he thought he’d be fairly safe. 

Opening the door he saw the heavenly representative standing over her demonic counterpart, who seemed to have a very obvious erection and be pleading with her to let him touch it. She seemed quite cross and as her foot pressed down on the demon’s intimate parts he heard him thanking her profusely for her attentions.

He practically ran from the room looking for somewhere to hide. These blessed angels seemed to be all over the place. He found his way down a dark side corridor and saw the stationery cupboard door was slightly ajar. He felt he’d be pretty safe in there as angels didn’t hold meetings in Hell’s cupboards.

Unfortunately for poor Eric the stationery cupboard was occupied by Hastur and Ligur. They were in a state of semi-undress and clutched in a tight embrace as Hastur sank his fangs into Ligur’s neck while the other demon egged him on.

Eric almost burst into tears. What had got into everyone? He resolved to go back to his own office and not leave it. When he got there he saw a message from Heaven had come through for Beelzebub’s urgent attention. It was not from their usual heavenly contact. He had no intention of going back to Beelzebub’s office so opened it himself.

It was from an archangel, requesting a ‘hush-hush’ meeting with a demon to discuss ‘something personal’. That sounded interesting. He dialled the number given and got through to the archangel Uriel and arranged a meeting. For some reason she wanted to meet in a hotel bedroom. He set off happily, thinking that at least he’d get away from the sex crazed couples shagging all over Hell….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations if you reached the end of the story! Hope you found at least some of it entertaining....


End file.
